NEWS: Photo feature - Indian Express

I'm a Page 3 girl! Or maybe it was page 33. Whatever .. I’m in the news and feeling quite pleased about it. This pic was taken at the Overseas Women's Foundation's Annual Bazaar on December 1st, 2007, held at the St Mark's Cathedral grounds. Dr Clown had a table there. Well, half a table. We set up shop with our wonderful 2008 calendar --- a rather delightful work of art, featuring photographs of all of us clowns - and our colourful postcards, as well as a couple of exotic cakes and muffins. We also had MUCH fun painting clown faces on lots of wonderful little children.

I had a WONDERFUL time. I wore my best new hat. In between painting faces and helping myself to clown cake, I tromped around the bazaar, meeting everyone and making lots of new friends. I also adopted two very nice puppets, a witch who now goes by the name "Mrs. Snape" and a little clown who is yet to be named (you can see him in the picture .. I have him by the neck).

I also got to have a mesmerising conversation with Basava, a large and extremely patient ox who was taking children on cart rides around the cathedral grounds. He was a quiet sort of ox. He didn't have much to say, but he turned out to be a very good listener.

Yes, it was a good day indeed. A nice nutritious clown lunch of cotton candy and something wonderful called a hog dog (which is made of neither pigs nor dogs). I even bumped into Santa Claus. Alas, I did not get a chance to sit on Santa's lap (that would have been quite a feat, as he was standing up at the time) but he did promise to send me Professor Snape for Christmas. I don’t want Professor Snape for myself, I’m a one-man clown, and that man is Shah Rukh Khan. But I know Nazu gets all weak in the knees whenever she sees Professor Snape in the Harry Potter movies. I thought maybe I could hide him in her Christmas stocking for her.

The highlight of the day was when Dr. Tonsils showed up. Yes! Nazu’s daddy, who has very kindly adopted me and made me part of the family! It was his 81st birthday and so all us clowns got together to give him a beautifully tuneless rendition of the "Happy Birthday" song. There was a strange expression on his face while we sang, the harmony and melody drawing crowds of curious onlookers (or perhaps music lovers). Nazu insists his expression was a combination of pleasure and embarrassment, but I’m sure it was just his pure unadulterated joy, perhaps on an empty stomach. (He left for lunch soon after).

Then on we went, and I even got to step out for some fresh air with Miss Rose. We walked down from St. Mark’s to a famous restaurant called Koshy’s. Now I’m not vain, but let me tell you, we turned plenty of heads at that fine establishment.

That was one good clown day.

Face painting at the Christmas bazaar.

Here are some pictures that Dr Crazy took of me at the OWC Bazaar yesterday! Miss Rose decided to be different! So instead of wearing her offical Dr Clown nose, she got me to paint a ladybird on the tip of her nose!

I also had loads of fun painting clown faces on little children there. I wish I had more pictures of their funny sweet faces. I do, but only in my memory.

Happy Birthday!

No, not my birthday. It's my friend here. I don't know why he's wearing a black t-shirt on his birthday. Surely he should have worn something bright and jolly. Anyway he came to the Christmas Bazaar and we all sang Happy Birthday to him. That's Put-put and Dr Crazy in the picture with him.

Return of the red-nosed!

Ooh, it feels good to be back! Today I finally started clowning again. Mamooo and I did the rounds at Philomena's, there were lots of little girls and boys ranging from 4 to 9 years old or so - Dolly, Pavan, Rita, Prashant, Giri, Akash and one little boy whose name I forgot to ask, mainly because he had a bar of Cadbury's in his shirt pocket so she kept calling him Chocolate Boy and pretending to steal his candy - and we succeeded in getting loads of giggles from them all. Mamu's fart-balloon was a huge success.

My favourite crotchety old cleaning lady was very happy to see us again, although she chased us out of one room where she had just mopped the floor. She talks to me a lot. As I don’t speak any Tamil, and she doesn’t speak any English, these conversations are always quite intriguing. I’m pretty sure she is asking for a dance, so I usually try to sweep her into a waltz. She was saying something about tomatoes at one point, and pointing at my nose. It must have been some traditional Tamil vegetarian compliment.

We also succeeded in drying some tears, which felt good. The first was Sakshi, a little boy in the ICU, having a drip put in. Screaming his head off. We didn't do much good at first, but then Mamu started singing softly and he actually calmed down. Meanwhile Sakshi’s mummy was getting equally worked up and she dissolved into tears too so I took her off to one side and we had a little chat and dried those tears off.

For me, the best part of the morning - the biggest compliment - was when we were heading back at the end of our rounds, and one of the senior nurses stopped to tell us that Akash, one of the kids we'd seen earlier was crying and would we go back and cheer him up? It really felt good, and meant a lot that she recognised the value of clowns in hospital.

Akash wasn't in pain, just cranky and unhappy. I think he wanted a cigarette, but as you know, there’s No Smoking in hospitals. However, the nurses had given him a funny machine called a nebuliser, which kept pouring out all the smoke he needed. All he had to do was stick a little mask over his face and inhale it. But you know these smokers. They want their cigarettes. So he kept pushing it away and crying, and making quite a lot of noise.

But once we arrived, we were able to calm him down and then he had lots of happy puffs on his nebuliser. It was wonderful to be there and see him soon go from screaming back to his delightfully mischievous giggling.

So - a lovely morning. Exhausting, of course. So I’ll stop here. I’ve a big day tomorrow at the Overseas Women’s Group’s Christmas Bazaar. Must get my cutie sleep.

NEWS: Waiting For Dr Gladys - Sattva

A nice young man named Ratish wrote this article about me, for Sattva, which is an e-zine that writes about important things and nice people that do them.

A new hospital.

At long last. This weekend sees the start of a new assignment! Miss Rose and I are heading to the paediatric ward of Kidwai, the government cancer hospital, this Saturday. We are both very excited and a bit nervous too. Clowning in the paediatric ward of a general hospital is one thing, we meet different children each time. I love every child I meet, but at the cancer hospital, we’ll be seeing patients who are in for longer stretches of time. We'll see the same faces each time, and then one day, some of those faces won’t be there, because not everyone makes it through cancer. I don’t think it’s supposed to be this way, but sometimes children die. That makes a clown cry.

Gladys Tonsils, drama queen.

It turns out I have royal blood in me. Yes. Apparently I am a drama queen. After all the melodrama and fond farewells, I have discovered that my vocal chords are going to heal after all, and that with some exercise and self-restraint, I will once again be able to fill the air with my delectably shrill Cockney accent!

For the moment, though, my voice is far from alright, and every phone conversation leaves me feeling as though I have peanuts stuck in my throat. So I still have to be careful, and have to do that silent thing at least two days every week, but at least I know that I can soon be back at work, and as noisy as ever. Hurrah!

Oh dear.

I’m very sad. The doctor has told me that for the next three to six months, I have to very careful with my voice. I've spent the last week in total silence, visited the doc again today, and now for the next fortnight have permission to speak a few words at a time, "only when absolutely necessary", along with various other instructions, medicines and even a series of calcium injections that my bum will play host to. Ouch. (Those of you who are wondering, no, calcium supplements won't do. I already asked.)

No singing, no wind instruments, no lovely noisy clowning. At least for the next few months. I would really miss singing my favourite Christmas carols. And I'm already missing my flute. Most of all I miss my voice.

Off I go to think more sad thoughts.

Gifts from London.

Fiona is a lovely person! She’s never met me before but that didn’t stop her from bringing me a bagful of goodies from London! What a noble soul! I am now the proud owner of red and white striped clown stockings, three glorious (and easily washable) pairs of colourful gloves in pink, yellow and orange and a multi-coloured pair of suspenders.

It was all deliciously exciting (oh yes, she also brought me two packets of an old favourite of mine: Rowntree's Fruit Gums) .. but horribly frustrating to have to react silently!

Talking of silent (talking?), I have decided that while my voice is on hold, maybe my twin brother Glad could go out and do my clowning for me. He’s a quiet lad, never has much to say anyway. Sweet little soft-spoken Glad. We are Siamese twins, don’t you know, and between us we have only one skin, so we take turns at being inside out or outside in. He’s quite happy being outside in, but seeing as I have this medical emergency, I’m hoping he’ll help me out.

I'm all shut up.

Bad news, I think. All that talking at the Clown Show turned out not to be the greatest thing for my vocal chords. So here I sit in silence. It started with a little lump in my throat that didn't hurt but wouldn't go away. I finally got the courage to go see a doctor about it. The good news is that I don't have throat cancer. The bad news is that I must have total voice rest for at least a week.

That means no talking. (And those of you who've had the honour to meet me in person, will know just how hard that is!) It's very frustrating. It's less than 24 hours since I succumbed to silence, and it is Very Difficult.

Plus everyone has started to talk really loud (I'm not deaf, just mute) and also speaking in one-word sentences and waving their arms around with lots of gestures and what appears to be their idea of sign language. I now must carry a note around to remind people that just because I can't talk, doesn't mean they can't use full sentences.

What will happen to me? I don't know. After the swelling's gone down, I'll have to do some speech therapy exercises or something. And then we'll just have to see. Because I’m quite a noisy clown. I don't think I’d like being a mime quite as much.

Our first Clown Show!

I have been SO busy of late. And sick too. Not horribly. But as those of you who follow this blog know, a cough, cold or upset stomach is a big no-no on the job, so I haven't been clowning for nearly 3 weeks. I do miss it. But if all goes well, I should be back in action this Tuesday at St. Philomena's. Must go check all my clothes and props are ready.

Meanwhile, here is a lovely pic from our very first Clown Show, “Miss Rose and The Magical Treasure”. We had in June, at the Alliance Francaise. It was a lovely evening, and the hall was packed. I wish I had more pictures, but sadly, Nazu’s daddy forgot to take his camera!

This picture was taken by a young journalist Rajiv Bangera who interviewed us for a story in a new magazine that should be out in August. I think it is the sweetest picture! It sums up the heart of Gladys and Rose and what we’re here for.

My brush with the fuzz.

It was just another morning at St. Philomena’s Hospital. There I was, clowning merrily, when suddenly a stern policeman blocked my path, and informed me that I was wanted in the Administration department. (This turned out to be a lie).

I went peacefully (I did manage to tell the children and other patients to call my lawyer and my mummy as I went). Oddly enough, the policeman refused to handcuff me, no matter how much I insisted.

Finally, in the administration dept, I was able to explain. It was a simple case of miscommunication, or in this case, no communication. The police inspector turned out to be a security guard - the ward sister hadn't been informed about Dr Clown's visits, so when she saw Mamu and me clomping happily down her corridors, she thought, "Who on earth are these two clowns?" (literally!) and called Security!

All was sorted out amicably, once everyone knew that we had the approval of both the hospital director and the head of paediatrics. There were a few extra journeys up and down because the Security guard's colleagues hadn't been updated either, and so they refused to let us back in to the wards!

Being a lady of some leisure, I waited and blew bubbles at them, while Mamu chivalrously made these perilous trips back and forth to prove our innocence. Eventually we got back in, and the whole funny little mishap ended up making us all good buddies.

Unfortunately we've not had the opportunity to go clowning there since (I do hope they don't think we're sulking or scared off), as one week Mamu had a cold, one week we were tied up with rehearsals for our show, and then last week I had a bad stomach. (We don't go clowning if we have any such illnesses, so that there is “no risk of passing infections to sick children whose resistance is already compromised”, as the guidelines say).

But joy! Tomorrow is Tuesday, and we shall head back to St Phil's at 10.30 a.m!

Before the show.

Here are a few pix from rehearsals at the Alliance Francaise before our very first clown show. The first pic is of Biclown and me with the little French pixies who put on a wonderful acrobatic routine with Fabiola and Miss Rose on The Planet of Acrogaz.











Next we have Mamu looking very happy with his lady friends from the Planet of Fire! Fabiola (the pixies' leader) is second from right, and if your eyesight is better than mine, you'd already have noticed Miss Rose peeking in from behind.

Finally Miss Rose in one of her delightful specially tailored outfits (Calvin Klown, I think) with Eric, director of Alliance, a man who appears to be a sedate professional here, but later turned into an hilarious Crowd Checker at the show, armed with his feather duster to dust the heads of people in the audience after zooming around the stage and ramps on his bicycle and honking a wonderful bulb horn!

I must get me one of those horns. There was a time when every self-respecting auto rickshaw was equipped with one. Nowadays all the autos have those irritating hi-tech buttons that go "nyeet-nyeet-nyeet", and I do so miss the mellow "pwarrrrmp" of those old bulb horns.

Shaky but stirring.

Dr Mamoo is not the world's greatest photographer. But he does love taking pictures, so here you have - me, striking a Don pose with my friend Prashant, in honour of my boyfriend Shah Rukh Khan. (Some people say I ought to call him my "alleged" boyfriend, because he does not know that I exist. All I have to say to this is: YET. He does not know I exist YET. )



In the next picture, you can see me giving little Ashwita a laughter check with my stetho-ho-ho-scope. We don't usually take pictures at hospital but today Dr Mamoo was very trigger-happy and so I have these two blurry but good memories of a happy morning at the hospital!

Being a clown is a good thing to be.

I love being a clown. People think it’s just a job, but really it’s a way of life. It’s a philosophy.It's being gentle AND strong, and being vulnerable without being a doormat. I can’t speak for circus clowns, some of whom seem to like hitting each other on the head, but for us therapeutic clowns, an important part of our clowning is always maintaining a certain purity and innocence that will not allow us to hurt anyone's feelings, even each other’s.

I came across the following bit of writing, it was written about people who are emotionally healthy, but it also sums up so nicely what a good clown is. It makes we think we need more red noses in this world. Don't you agree?

"People who feel good about themselves do not exploit others and are not available for exploitation. People who feel good about themselves, far from exhausting or trying the patience of their acquaintances, exhibit a veritable feast of exciting, appealing characteristics that other human beings tend to find irresistible.

People who are self-accepting ..
laugh ..
listen ..
do not exploit others for their gratification ..
have energy ..
are more creative than people who hold themselves in low esteem ..
are tolerant of the changing moods of others ..
learn to live with what they cannot change ..
exude enthusiasm ..
project confidence ..
exult in the successes of their friends without feeling competitive or threatened ..
are sensitive to the needs of others ..
take appropriate risks ..
risk failure in order to find out what they have the right stuff for ..
often have an intriguing sense of depth or mystery about them ..
do not pretend to have all the answers ..
are realistically optimistic ..
do not ridicule the helpless or humiliate the weak ..
tend to make people they spend time with feel good about themselves ..
enjoy helping others and working to develop a sense of community ..
have a sense of purpose and develop the sense of a special mission in life ..
are able to turn their mistakes into lessons and begin anew.

Don't kid yourself; even people who exhibit most, if not all, of the above characteristics suffer periods of despair, disappointment and depression. Bad things do happen to good people, even those with a healthy sense of self-worth. But such people rebound."

- from "Why Love is not Enough" by Sol Gordon, PhD.

Clowning is serious work.

It’s not as easy as it looks! There are three main aspects of clown work (four if you count the nap).

1. Hygiene

This is a Very Important Part of hospital clowning, and the least fun. Before going to hospital, I have a headbath. I check my nails are clean, clip them short, and remove any nail polish. (Not that I wear nail polish, but if I did, I would. Remove it, I mean). Then I make sure EVERYTHING I need for the hospital is clean (my costume, bag, shoes, and my important medical equipment like my hammer, saw, and especially my laughter injection thingie). After I get back from hospital, there's more stuff to clean – I throw everything - clown costume, towels, hair bands, socks, hats, cloth puppets - into the washing machine. While that's whirling around, I have ANOTHER headbath. If there were any patients with infectious diseases or bad coughs, then I sometimes have a salt-water gargle, too. Afterwards I wash the rest of my equipment by hand - juggling balls, flutes, whatever, even the make-up brushes. I wipe down my bags, shoes, toiletries (cold cream, toner, talc, lotion) and make-up kit, with disinfectant. I even scrub the soles of my clown shoes with hot soapy water (hospital floors have GERMS). By the time I'm done with it, the laundry's done and I put that out to dry. Later, I steam iron my clown costume, and then put everything away in its place, usually wrapped in plastic packets (I'm so particular I even rinse out the plastic packets!) so that I'm all set for my next Clown Rounds.

2. Practice

Although a lot of my work is based on improvisation, I still have lots of things to practise, so that I have tons of fun stuff already stored in my nose for when I go to work: juggling, puppetry, music and song, storytelling. Some of the things I like to do are singing scales to keep my pretty voice fit, practise singing and learning new songs, (lullabies are good in the neo-natal ward, the little babies like them, and stop crying). I also have to practise scales on my recorder, melodica, and songs to play on them too. I like learning Shah Rukh Khan songs, because as you know he is the love of my life. I like singing and dancing to his songs at hospital. Everyone loves Shah Rukh Khan, but no one more than I.

3. Performance

This part of my work starts with loading everything up and driving over to hospital. Once I’m all dressed up and looking lovely, my first stop is usually to the nurses, to have a word (well, several words, one word usually isn’t enough) about my patients. That way I can find out if there are any special cases, e.g. pre-op - who might be afraid and need some reassurance; or post-op - who might be in pain and could do with some light relief but perhaps not boisterous loud clowning). Then it’s off on my rounds with my clown partner (it changes from visit to visit, but we always work in twos) and we go from bed to bed to bed, visiting all the children and making them feel better.

4. The Nap

This is another Very Important Part. After I've done all the cleaning, I have a hearty meal, followed by a nice long nap. Otherwise I get very tired and cranky, and sometimes have a little weep the next day. I’m not too sure why. But if I have a nice nap, that’s less likely, I think. The hearty meal is pretty important too, and the trick is to eat as much as you can, as fast as you can, before your brain has time to figure out that your stomach is full.

And there you have it. That’s what my workday is like.

One fine day at St. Philomena's.

Today was our first day at St. Philomena's. Miss Rose and I got off to a good start when we found a poor ailing banana who wasn't peeling well, right there in the doctors' changing room. There was a nice bed in the room, but the poor banana had been left on a hard wooden table, so after we gave him the once-over with my stethoscope, we tucked him in and left him to rest.

First stop was the neo-natal ward, where the little preemies got their first taste (well sound) of French lullabies. And then onward and upward to the pediatric wards.

*

On the way Miss Rose came upon a bunch of gloves just hanging around listlessly. Three whole rows of them. Realising that these poor flaccid souls were in urgent need of medical attention, she gave them some bubbles, while I taught them some finger exercises. I wasn't sure if they were girl gloves or boy gloves.

.

"Didn't you see?" said Miss Rose, wiggling her thumb. "Boys!"

On the way to the wards, Mrs. Rose stopped for an impromptu magic show. Meanwhile Dr Mamu's driver Kishore showed up so I hurried him off to the changing room so that he could deliver Mamu to us asap. Once Mamu showed up, we had lots of fun, surrounded by many giggly children, and one little boy who was actually guffawing with laughter. I didn't know little children could guffaw: I've seen them giggle, chortle and laugh; this was my first guffaw.

There was one tense moment when I was feeling a bit peakish and Miss Rose got out her humongous rectal thermometer. But it passed quickly and painlessly. All in all, you could say it went smoothly.

.

And then it was back to the changing room for one last check on Mr. Banana, who was looking quite rested after his peaceful nap in the doctors' bed. He's sure to have been peeling well by the afternoon.

Waiting for Miss Rose.

She has gone to Nepal. I hope she'll be back soon, so that I can go clowning with her at St. Philomena's. Miss Rose is a French clown, and she runs Docteur Clown India where I work. She's the first clown friend I met after coming to India.

A new hospital on the cards.

Today I went to St. Philomena's Hospital and met Dr. Rajeev, a twinkly-eyed paediatrician who works there. On Monday, I have to go back and meet the Hospital Director, and also something called The Hod. It sounds ominous. I hope I'll come out of it alive. Meanwhile, I'm very busy getting my clown clothes ready for the new hospital. I've also been practising my juggling. I used to be totally useless at it, but now I've moved up to abyssmal. I've just invested in a set of bowling pins, also for juggling. Soon I hope to be abyssmal at that too.

Meeting Dr. Mamu.

Until today, I was the one and only Indian clown doctor, and I had only one other clown friend, that's Miss Rose, who's from France. But now I have another new friend. His name is Dr. Mamu, and he's just become a clown doctor too. We went clowning together at Ramaiah's Teaching Hospital. We had a lovely time. I even got to speak to the love of my life, Shah Rukh Khan, on my special banana cellphone. I was hoping to get married to him on Tuesday, but it turns out he's already married. Fortunately, I was able to call Salman Khan, and reschedule the groom and the wedding for Wednesday (he has gym on Tuesday).

Dr Mamu was feeling a bit left out of all the wedding plans, so he thought maybe he could marry Aishwarya Rai. It was with a heavy heart that I had to inform him he was too late, because Ash and Abi have just got married. However, I was able to provide him with an eminently available alternative: A Ms. Jhanvi Kapoor who was hoping to marry Abi herself. Lucky for Dr Mamu that I keep on top of current affairs.

A birthday party.

Today I got to make some new friends. There was a cake to be delivered, and it was up to me to get the job done. Kumari, the birthday girl, seemed extremely happy to see the cake. When I rang the doorbell, she opened the front door and just stood there, laughing hysterically with joy. I'm not surprised. It was one of those chewy chocolate cakes.

The big day.

And so it came to pass, like wind after beans. An audition, a workshop, and the next thing I know I have my first job as a clown here in Bangalooraloo. I have my very own official red nose, crafted out of the finest plastic (waterproof and washable, which is very important for a therapeutic clown), and I'm all set to go forth and clown!