My Nose Is Blogged

Where was I?

2011-10-11T19:51:00.004+05:30

An excellent question, indeed. Alas, I do not have the answer but does it really matter? I'm back. Two years, three months, and four decades later, I have returned. Perhaps in time the story of where I have been all this while, will come to me. It will be a true story, of course, just like all my stories.

So here I am, gingerly venturing forth in my size 42 shoes. Since I last went clowning, I have developed ingrown toenails, and so my clown shoes are more useful than ever. Sadly, one of them (my shoes, not my toenails) was so overwhelmed by this impulsive return to the world at large, that it fell apart.

Alas.

Also, my nose is cracked. I must find a good plastic surgeon to return me to clown perfection from my nose to my toes.

But this did not stop me from visiting the Home for the Aged on Hosur Road last weekend. It is a lovely place, run by a bunch of lovely ladies who call themselves the Little Sisters, although most of them are taller than me. They are a very large family, all girls, and they like to dress in identical dresses.

They had their Annual Fete on Sunday, October 9th, and they called me up and asked me if I'd like to come! So I went. I made loads of new friends. Little ones, from Justin and Johnson to Anto and Shirley. And big ones, from Bessie and Teresa to Drugless and Mr. Lewis. We all had a wonderful time, and I have photographic evidence of this. Well, actually I don't. But somebody does, and I'm hoping they will read this and say, "Ooh! I must send copies of these lovely photographs to Gladys immediately!"

They had a big bright band playing there too. I tried to keep up on my trusty multi-purpose banana, but sadly, it needed tuning, which is a difficult and intricate procedure that I personally am not capable of. I did ask the conductor if he could give me some music lessons on the banana, but he declined. He was quite busy.

The fete ended with a raffle, and I was so excited that I called up the winner on his mobile phone, to tell him that he had won a car! I think the news rendered him speechless and very emotional, because he listened intently and silently, and then hung up without saying a word. I assume he recovered by the time the Little Sisters called him the following day to tell him the same thing.

And then, all too soon it was over, and the bottom of my shoe fell off, and I walked home happily in the rain, with a very useful size 42 shoe sole doubling up as an umbrella, and then I fell into bed and took a four-hour nap, after which I woke up for a quick dinner and some medicines, and then had another nap till the next morning.

So there you have it, good people of Bangalooraloo! (And also the bad people, and the ugly. I love you all). I am back. But don't look for me in the hospitals, because I won't be working there any more. I'm not as young and sprightly as I was, and I can't afford to have four-hour naps every time I come home from clowning. So I'm going to take things a little slower, and shorter.

I'll let you know where and when I'll be taking these slower, shorter things, of course.

love,
Gladys.

P.S. Watch this space!

P. P. S. Don't forget to blink.

I miss clowning.

2009-07-17T22:29:00.002+05:30

I'm sick. I can't go to work at hospital. I can't go anywhere. Last week no one went to St Philomena's, half our clowns were out of town, and the others weren't well. Oh dear. Fortunately Bindaas and Brush-buddha are going there tomorrow, and they're taking one of our trainees Leanne on her first observation session!

Things are going slow indeed, but at least they're going. And once we finish all our trainees' practice sessions, they can start clowning with the rest of us. I hope everything picks up soon!

Kung fu, cockroaches and a little bit of clown magic.

2009-06-27T23:45:00.002+05:30

Yes, business as usual .. another delightful day at hospital yesterday for Babydoll and me. We did bump into the Danger Lady of Cleaning, but we managed to chase her off with bubbles (she doesn't like them, for some reason, which is rather ironic, don't you think, since she walks around with a bucket of soapy water?) and we also went prepared with my newest artillery: two large rubbery swords. She did try to steal them, but fortunately the bubbles kept her at bay.

Strategic idiocy. That's what hospital clowning's all about, I think. And it does work wonders. Today, a brief lesson in kung fu was followed by a session of kallaripattu (those bendy swords really worked well for this). I figured people would work up an appetite after that, but for some reason, every time I try to serve up a nice dish of fried cockroach, everyone I offer it to seems to be a vegetarian.

The very best part of today, though, was right at the end when we were getting ready to leave. That's when we did the magic. No, we didn't pull a rabbit out of a hat. There was a mother who lifted her baby up and I think jostled his drip a little, so he started wailing. And I already had my flute in hand, so I went up and played softly for him, and Babydoll sang too. And guess what, he just stopped crying and went back to sleep!

It was just like magic and everyone looked most impressed. Then we blew kisses to everyone and whispered goodbyes and tiptoed out of the ward.

Video: Grease was the word.

2009-06-20T21:13:00.004+05:30

Well I've been busy posting this video on all our Dr Clown sites - our blog, our Youtube account "drclownindia", our mailing lists, and finally I'm done, so now I can post it here too, in case you missed it! This is from our Clown show that we held in March this year. It was the opening number to our show, which was all about us clowns getting Saturday night fever.

Allow me to introduce everyone, cos we're not dressed in our usual clown clothes, we all got special party wear for the show.

Miss Rose is the lady in the silver dress and the blonde afro. Baby Doll is in pigtails and a pink dress. Crazy has a top hat. Bindaas wore harem pants and a sparkly waistcoat but of course also her trademark gypsy scarf. Bobo was in real clown couture, she had her bell-bot jumpsuit specially tailored for the occasion. Brushbuddha was the rocker with the green hair. And I tried to look like John Revolta so I wore a waistcoat and a tie.

It's a bit crazy and chaotic but that's how we are. We had a lot of fun and so did all the children!

Her name is Bhavani and she is a very naughty lady.

2009-06-19T20:26:00.003+05:30

Yes. She was there again today. The cleaning lady in the blue sari. I kept calling her Lakshmi Amma until she finally confessed that her name is actually BHAVANI. I sang a special song for her then - "hey javaani, hey Bhavani! Ruk, meri raani! Ruk, Miss Bhavani!" But this did not stop her from stealing my banana. Yes. She is a naughty lady because she keeps picking my pockets! And she stole my banana! But I managed to steal it back. I don't mind her stealing things so much because she always gives them back. But then I can't use those things with the children because of our hygiene rules. And my plastic banana is one of my most valuable pieces of equipment. Sometimes it is my cell phone. Sometimes it is a microphone (in fact, today it was, when I sang a Tamil duet with Arun. We only managed to sing two words, "Appadi, poday, poday, poday!" because we didn't know the rest of the song, so to make up for the lack of words, we just sang those two words about a zillion times.)

Sometimes my banana is a gun and I use it to keep Lakshmi Amma, a.k.a. Bhavani, at bay. Fortunately she did not chase me with her mop today. But she made me mop two flagstones. I think I did a good job. I am getting better at it. I'm lucky to get free mop training from her. Soon I will be quite the expert. I think next time I will get myself a tiny little trainee mop. I've seen one in Dr Tonsils' house. But for some strange reason he uses it to spread oil on frying pans when he's making dosas. (Those are like Indian pancakes by the way).

Oh and there were lots of children today. Big ones too for a change. There was a boy Riyaz who was so tall he couldn't stand up or he'd give himself a free haircut from the fan. There was also a very long boy. Well his name was long it was Abijeetchakravorty. And there were some tiny little girls Pushpa and Amreen and there were even some bigger girls. Priyanka was there looking very sleepy but inspite of that she was very enthusiastic and so I designated her as my official Lakshmi Amma Lookout.

Usually a lot of the children are little toddlers but today they were mostly schoolchildren, bunking class to be in hospital and see the clowns! Bindaas and I had a lot of fun with them all. And we took Boing with us, on his observation session. He enjoyed it too and can't wait for his next session which is a practice session and then after that he can start clowning with us which will be very nice. We haven't had enough clowns to visit all our hospitals so once our apprentice clowns start clowning, we can go back and spread more sunshine in more places!

The only sad thing was that since I had recently had a snifferly nose, I decided it was better not to go into the ICU. And there were lots of children there. This is why I always tell people not to hug and kiss me, especially if they might have a cough or a cold. But people don't listen. They just want a hug from me and they don't think about the children. That's not right. Because then I can't go to the children. I feel very bad about that and the next person who hugs me with a cold is going to get a bonk on the head, that's what. I'm not usually into violence, but sometimes a clown's gotta do what a clown's gotta do.

And now I am very tired and waiting for my broccoli to finish steaming cos I need the nutrition. I don't know why but I get very very tired every time I go clowning. I think I need to lose some weight or grow younger. But I think I will have my energy back by next week just in time to go clowning again.

Oh, my brocolli's ready. Good bye.

I just like this picture so much.

2009-06-13T23:44:00.002+05:30

Look I found another picture taken by that muscly man from Time Out Bangalooraloo. It's an old picture but I do love it.

Another hot and sweaty day.

2009-06-12T23:03:00.001+05:30

This time it wasn't at the marathon, it was at hospital. I had these hot flushes all the way through. I hope it's not the menopause. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, hospital. Babydoll and I went to St. Philomena's, and our new friend The Clown With No Name came with us on a training session.

We didn't see many children today, but there were an awful lot of newborn babies and new mummies. I have analysed this since, and come to the conclusion that many people felt a need for closeness and intimacy after the Bombay terrorist attacks. And hence: lots of babies nine months later.

After we finished clowning with the children, The Clown With No Name waited for us outside, while Babydoll and I went into the maternity wards. We saw lots of lovely newly made babies and had tons of fun with the mummies. None of them were Egyptian. Babydoll had two new baby dolls of her own, so we had a little twin delivery and some tortuous breastfeeding, and I even got to do the circumcisions on her little twins. The mummies were quite delighted by all this, because I think they really related to it all!

We also bumped into the monster cleaning lady who loves us and hates us at the same time. She's always shouting at us in Tamil, telling us to get out and let her mop the floors, but then she really enjoys playing with us too. We mopped some of the floor for her till she chased us away. Babydoll jumped up on a chair and trembled with fear! I tried to escape by flying on the mop which had a very long wooden handle and looked a bit like a Hogwarts broom. However, I clearly do not have the knack for flying, so it didn't work. But we did manage to get away. After a while, she missed us, and came by to chase us some more and play games with us. I think she had a lovely day because we're probably the only people she can shout at and order around, and she got to be the star of the show. I can't wait to see her again next week.

So it was lovely as always but there was one sad thing I found out afterwards, that Babydoll met a lady out in the corridor, who had had a baby, but the baby died. That is a sad thing, indeed, and difficult even for a clown to face. It's easy to make people laugh and smile, but sometimes that's not our job. Sometimes the most important thing for us to do, is just to be there with someone and share their pain a little. I wish I had known, I would have gone to meet that lady. Next time I should keep my eyes and ears and heart more open so that I don't miss important things like this.

NEWS: I know not what it says - Eenadu

2009-06-10T23:20:00.001+05:30

Here's a lovely article about me. I'm pretty sure it's a lovely article because the gentleman who wrote it was very nice. I have no idea what it says, though, because I cannot read the Telugu language. If you know what it says, please tell me!

My friend Rhea suggested that the top bit looks like a Before and After ad. I hope not. It could be an ad for a miraculous cure for poor eyesight. People would believe it because they would think that the person in the Before picture couldn't see properly to put her lipstick on.

But I don't think that's what it says.

This article is in a daily newspaper called Eenadu, it's the largest newspaper in Andhra Pradesh (that's the next door state to Karnataka. In case you're wondering what Karnataka is, that's the state of which Bangalore is the capital.)

NEWS: Run The Talk - Tulir Blog

2009-06-08T22:31:00.003+05:30

My friends over at Tulir, the Centre for Prevention and Healing of Child Sexual Abuse, wrote a little something about me on their blog. It was them I was supposed to run for at the marathon, but by the time I finished with all the costume stuff and media people, the race was over :o( But never mind, because I went one round of the Kanteerva Stadium track, so I can say I did my bit of walking (I even tried running a few steps but then the clown shoes proved a problem!)

Paddy's pictures from the marathon

2009-06-08T00:15:00.003+05:30

Here are two pictures my new friend Paddy took of me, over at the marathon last month!

By the way, if you want to copy these pix, please make sure you include the copyright ribbon at the bottom of the picture!

NEWS: Something to do with blessings and life - Eenadu

2009-06-07T23:37:00.000+05:30

Mr. Adinarayana is a man of good taste. He likes clowns. Not only has he written this article about our Red Nose Ceremony, and filled it with lovely pictures of us, too! So many! But he's also writing another article about me, to go in the women's section of his newspaper.

I'm not exactly sure what the headline is but I know that it includes the words 'blessings' and 'life'. If you know what this article says, please tell me. It's written in Telugu, and is in the Eenadu newspaper.

Happy Nose Day!

2009-06-06T22:50:00.010+05:30

Today we had our first Red Nose Ceremony! That's like a graduation party for our new clowns. I thought it would be more fun to have a special ceremony to celebrate the nosing of our new clowns. So we had speeches and clapping and certificates and cake. It was a lovely morning.

This is a picture of the lovely pineapple cake we had at our ceremony, and those are our new graduates cutting the cake.

And here are our new clowns. This is Bobette,

trying to get used to her new nose.

Next, here's Boing! More hair than face in this picture but he's in there somewhere! And that's King Joseph next to him. King Joseph is my very good friend and also the Technical Coordinator of the Alliance Francaise, where we work from. And behind King Joseph is a lovely No Smoking sign.
This chappie here is The Clown With No Name. He's hoping that one of these days he will find it, and intends to search all the hospital wards very thoroughly in case it's lying around there somewhere. And last, but definitely not least, is our baby-est clown, Fae! She's very sprinkly and glittery and I think she has flown down from Fairyland.

Yay! Four more clown hearts in the world.

NEWS: Fun Run with Cowboys and Clowns - Times of India

2009-06-02T19:42:00.004+05:30

I'm feeling so touched reading what people have been writing about me. I feel so LOVED and that's a very nice feeling to feel. I hope when I go out clowning I'm getting other people to feel it too. The world needs more good feelings doesn't it?

Look in that picture, it's my friend the brave condom lady! In one of the articles I was reading, somebody said they were used condoms. Oh my! That's not true. I know because I asked her, and because they had a nice fresh rubbery smell, with a light bouquet of medicine.

Something borrowed, something orange!

2009-06-01T22:53:00.000+05:30

Here are some pictures I've borrowed off my friend's blog, his name is Shujath Ulla Khan and if you want to see more marathon pictures just go to his blog. He won Sakkath Bangalorean #3. These are some pictures with me in them. I don't know who took them, but I guess it was a friend of his (thank you whoever you are):

In case you're wondering what I'm doing there, I was fanning him with my hat. It was a very hot day.

Here we are getting our giant cheques. I felt just like Man of The Match.

Mr Techie got some lovely pictures of us at the marathon!

2009-06-01T18:05:00.002+05:30

Hello again! I just found one of my friends from yesterday's marathon, right here on blogspot. He has written some nice stuff and put up some lovely pictures of him and me and also the condom lady who came first! The three of us were the Sakkat Bangaloreans! I get happy memories when I look at these pictures! Wheee!

I was on TV last night!

2009-06-01T17:44:00.007+05:30

Look! There I am! It was very nice to see myself from the outside!

I don't have the actual TV footage (from a station called TV 9) but here are some photographs we took of the TV set, while the footage was playing!

The first picture is of me just after I got my gigantic cheque, unfortunately I did not take a picture of when I was getting my bouquet and then my hat fell off. A little later in the programme, I popped up again, this time they were interviewing me.

NEWS: Bangaloreans Run For A Cause - Deccan Herald

2009-06-01T00:00:00.006+05:30

Here's an article about the marathon, by someone from the Deccan Herald, and he wrote a bit about me! I remember this gentleman asking me how old I was! I told him that he shouldn't ask ladies their age. But he said that he was from the PRESS and that's why he had to press on to get this vital information from me. By the way, I'm only a TEENY bit older than Shah Rukh Khan.

I went. I ran (okay I walked). I won!

2009-05-31T18:50:00.005+05:30

Yes! I did! I really did win at the marathon! Second prize! I won just for being me! I arrived early in the morning at the almost unspeakable hour of (six). I did a lot of walking. That was before the marathon even began. Then this lady told me to walk some more to a different gate where all the costumed people were. So I did. And I took part in a costume competition, and guess what? I came second! Isn't it lovely?

And I got to meet so many interesting people. A condom lady, a devil lady, a one-eyed techie, a pirate, an anti-pirate, some trees, lots of animals and I even met a peacock man! It was all very hot and sweaty but it was tons of fun and I think I've lost some weight. I also got to meet lots of very sweet children! Like the beautiful princess Malaika, and a monk called Siddharth. Even though he had lost his Ferrari, he just beamed out the most wonderful smile I've ever seen. And this sweet little baby who didn't like all the noise, but fortunately I had some cotton wool in my make-up kit in my handbag, so I gave some to his daddy, and he put it in the baby's ears and after that he was fine.

After that costume competition I got a big giant cheque for twenty thousand rupees only, and it says I am offically now Sakkat Bangalorean Number Two. (That means I came second. It doesn't mean the other Number Two). And Sakkat Bangalorean means I am a really strong Bangalooraloo person. I feel proud that people said that about me. It makes me feel nice inside.

And I got to stand on a podium and got the big giant cheque and a bunch of flowers (carnations, my dear! They're in a vase in the sitting room now!) from a handsome young man whose phone number I forgot to take. I don't know what to do with the money. I think I will buy presents for my favourite people, and some money for my friends who Dream A Dream because it's very important to dream dreams and never give up on them, and some for a nice running track for a little twelve year old girl who can do the 100 metres in just 14 seconds, barefoot! And also I will buy a microwave oven, which is a present for me, because I am also one of my favourite people.

After that, lots of people with cameras and microphones wanted to take my picture and ask me questions, so I told them all about Dr Clown and also about Child Sexual Abuse because I was in the marathon to support Tulir, an NGO that has a Centre for Prevention and Healing of Child Sexual Abuse. I like Tulir a lot because they do so much to help children, and I don't like child abuse at all. It just doesn't make sense, does it? But it happens. So I think it's important to try and help in any way so that it can stop happening and then children can just grow up nicely and not have those pains and fears and sadnesses and then they'd grow up and be sad or angry grownups. It's very difficult to be a sad and angry grownup, and not be able to enjoy so many of the nice things of life and my goodness it's so unnecessary if we just looked after the children nicely so they didn't have to grow up that way! So I supported Tulir and told everyone about them.

It was really nice to see so many people there supporting so many different causes. It wasn't just nice, it was wonderful. That Kanteerva Stadium was just buzzing with good vibrations, all those people full of positive vibes, everyone doing something about something, to make the world a better place. That's what it's all about, I think. I hope we keep doing it. That way if we get reborn then we'll come back to a really nice world. That would be fun. Well .. actually it already is a really nice world. I just want it to get nicer and nicer, so that every generation can have fun stuff and happy memories.

Oh. It's really thundery outside. Long-playing thunder that just goes on and on, and it's raining a lot too. I wonder if the peacock man is dancing. He said something about liking to dance in the rain. Or maybe it was before the rain. I forget. Whatever. I hope he's dancing. It's good for the soul, dancing is.

It's been such a happy day for me. The most exciting part was when the ladies came running back into the stadium at the end of their 10K run. You could feel the stadium getting excited and I got excited too and wanted to run behind them (but I couldn't because I was in a different place). And another nice part of today was that there was so many people happy to see me. I felt like a movie star, cos they all wanted to take pictures with me, and they were all smiling and laughing. Just think, now there's hundreds of people tonight in Bangalooraloo, with pictures of me smiling at them on their mobile phones. I'm glad they get to keep my smile.

Oh there's the thunder again. It's a bit scary. I think I better stop writing because the electric city may go off. But before I end I just have to say OH GUESS WHAT I saw myself on TV tonight after dinner. It's the first time I saw myself from outside of myself. I got to see what everyone else sees when they look at Gladys. I just realised I'm a very funny old lady. I like me.

So that's all for now. Before the next thundery thunder starts, I'm off to bed. Good night!

NEWS: Many Smiles Per Hour - Time Out magazine

2009-05-29T22:45:00.004+05:30

Lookie! Another article about the seminar, this time in Time Out Bengaluru, written by Amrita Gupta. This is a nice magazine that has lots of news about all the fun things going on in Bangalooraloo, if it wasn't for them I'd have no idea what to do with myself. It comes out every fortnight and for some reason, most of the people who work there have names starting with "A". But that's not to say they're prejudiced against the rest of the alphabet because I know for a fact they also have a "J". I think maybe people whose names start with "A" have to be very attentive and early to school so that they can say "present" when the teacher calls out the attendance register. And this has a tremendous impact on them, so they grow up to be journalists.

I'm not sure I was very good.

2009-05-28T22:02:00.001+05:30

Well, I went to Sutradhar's seminar on Play In Hospital, today. I went with my friend Mili from Dr Clown, and we introduced our work to all the people there. There was another lady who does play therapy in Pune, her name is Meera Okay! She was definitely more than just okay, she's done a lot of work and has an organisation called CHUGRAD! And she had a very impressive presentation on the computer and was very organised. Not like me. I'm not sure I was very good but I talked a lot about whatever I could remember about our work, and so I hope that some of what I said made sense. Everyone seemed happy enough, though.

It was really nice to see that there are different people doing different things in different places - but all to the same end - to make children in hospital feel better. It was good to meet them all. I also got to meet a fellow clown, Pravin, who lives in Bombay! That was good luck! He had come down to Bangalooraloo for someone's wedding and when I told him about the seminar, he jumped into an auto rickshaw and came to it! Wasn't that sweet? It was nice to meet him. He does magic too, and he did some for Mili and me! I was very impressed!

My favourite part of the evening was at the end when they gave me a present! It was something they make themselves, the Sutradhar people. They have lots of lovely stuff - games and toys and books, and lots of different puppets, yum, you can see them and even buy them, if you click on the link. Anyway, my present was a puppet! A little Indian maharajah puppet. I can't wait to take him to hospital with me.

NEWS: Bringing Joy to Young Sufferers - DNA India

2009-05-26T22:29:00.001+05:30

Here's an article about the seminar I'm attending this weekend. It's written by a very brave young lady who actually called me up and spoke to me, in spite of her terrible fear of clowns!

Sutradhar is the organisation that runs this Annual Seminar - aptly titled, because they hold it every year. This year, their theme is Play in Hospitals, so they've invited a play therapist to talk, and also invited me!

This is lovely: The Great Panjandrum

2009-05-25T23:31:00.003+05:30

Ooh I just found the most beautiful poetic poem. It's very deep and meaningful and as I am a deep and meaningful clown myself, I am posting it here for you to read. What is very interesting is that this was written by Samuel, a boy who wrote this with his FOOT! (Or "FOOTE" as they used to spell it back in 1755).

So she went into the garden
to cut a cabbage-leaf
to make an apple-pie;
and at the same time
a great she-bear, coming down the street,
pops its head into the shop.
What! no soap?
So he died,
and she very imprudently married the Barber:
and there were present
the Picninnies,
and the Joblillies,
and the Garyulies,
and the great Panjandrum himself,
with the little round button at top;
and they all fell to playing the game of catch-as-catch-can,
till the gunpowder ran out at the heels of their boots.

- by Samuel (Foote)

I'm glad you like it. (I knew you would even before you read it, so that's why I'm saying this in advance).

That's all for today. I've been doing lots of reading, all about the history of clowning and the different types of clowns, but now I'm sleepy, so I'll tell you about that another time. Good night.
P.S. I cannot write with my foot. I have tried. Left and right. Doesn't work for me.

Time Out magazine wrote this about the circus, and there's pictures too.

2009-05-22T21:17:00.005+05:30

Slogan Murugan is a man with an interesting eye, he catches all sorts of intriguing images from around Bangalore and posts them on his blog. You should visit him!

Meanwhile, he visited me, and he gave me the link to a little article about the circus I visited last week. So I'm posting it here for you all to read, in case you missed it. It was in last week's Time Out Bengaluru, which is my favourite magazine here even though they spell Bangalooraloo wrong.

I love the circus BUT...

2009-05-21T01:14:00.007+05:30

I love the circus BUT ...

I don't like to see a ring without a ringmaster.

I don't like to see lady circus performers dressed like they're not.

I don't like to see people crunching on lightbulbs or running fire all over their bodies or dropping knives on their tummies, or lying on glass and nails, because the children might go home and copy them.

I don't like to see an act where people pretend to be drunk and get the audience to laugh, because that tells the children that drinking is fun or funny, and it's not, it's just sad.

I don't like to see sad expressions in elephants' eyes, or what looks like tears running down a horse's eyes, because I can't speak Elephant or Horse, so I don't know how to say Sorry. I don't like to see mahouts poking elephants with proddy things, or people with whips, because I think working with gentleness and earning trust works much better.

I don't like to see clowns hitting each other, because real humour doesn't need violence. I don't like to see audiences who laugh at clowns hitting each other, because real humanity doesn't need violence to feel good.

I don't like to see young ladies swirling in the air, hanging from their teeth. I don't like to see people doing pretty things high up in the air but not having a safety net or proper safety harness, just a wire or a rope tied to their waist. I don't like to see death-defying acts that really are death-defying acts, because it tells me that not everyone in the world believes in the value of life.

I don't like to see audiences come out smiling and laughing without noticing that the circus people don't do as much smiling and laughing.

I love the circus BUT I don't think the circus loves itself.

An artistic rendition.

2009-05-17T21:30:00.004+05:30

In India, you can't take pictures inside the circus tents. So I drew my own picture to show you what it was like. While I was drawing and colouring I remembered more things I forgot to mention in my first post. Like the Man of Many Waistcoats, who stood on top of a galloping horse and kept taking off his clothes as he went round. He had many many waistcoats and fortunately he finished going around before he could start taking off anything else.

There was also a pretty ribbony girl who did wavy things with ribbons and lassoos. There was another girl who finished the show up in the air inside a ring thing and she did acrobatics there (and guess what it was the same Titanic song that they had in Jumbo Circus. The circus people obviously like this song very much). And then there was the water-spitter who swallowed some coloured water red and dark green and then drank a whole jugful of regular water, and then did this long-distance spitting and sometimes it was orange and sometimes it was light green. I don't think it was a trick. I think he is an expert of regurgitation or something.

Well there you go. Now you know what the circus looks like. Tomorrow is the last day they are in Yelahanka but if you wait a few days they are moving to somewhere in JP Nagar. And you can go see them there. Please be a good audience and clap loudly and often. It makes them smile more.

P.S. You must click on the picture if you want to see the fine details in a bigger size.

Back from the circus!

2009-05-17T20:09:00.003+05:30

Yes! Hot and sweaty and belching samosas. It was a lovely day. I got to meet three clowns: their names are Khayoom, Suraj and Nissar. Khayoon is Suraj's Daddy and guess what, Suraj gets to give his daddy a great fat slap on the face during their act. But Khayoom gets to spank him a lot too, so I guess it's even.

It was really hot in the circus and all the snacks were priced DOUBLE! Gosh. But I had to eat them, so I had to buy them anyway. I went with a little pixie friend of mine and the Mirinda turned our teeth orange for a while. That was interesting. If I had my wig on, my teeth would have matched it!

There were lots of interesting acts. A lot of them were similar to the Jumbo Circus that I saw last year. I think some things are standard in all the circuses - like the men going around in circles on motorbikes inside a dome, and elephants doing puja, and even Russian ladies with nice bums. Yes. These things are all a must at a circus, I believe.

There was a Russian juggler there, he was nice and he had a lovely jester's hat I'm so jealous. He also did some horrible things with fire and eating a lightbulb and lying on glass. I didn't like that so much, I don't like the dangerous things at circuses, I get scared. I like the things that make me laugh or go Ooh!

Ooh! There was a group of big strapping Kenyan gentlemen with wonderful muscles and six-packs. They did all sorts of tumbling and balancing and climbing thingies. They were good too.

I didn't like seeing the animals much though. They weren't ill-treated or anything like that, they all looked fine and healthy, but they just didn't seem to be having much fun and when I looked into the elephants' and horse's eyes, they looked back and I felt sad.

Anyway guess what? I am going back to the circus soon! I am going to hold a small workshop for the clowns! I'm so excited so so excited. I may not get to perform in the ring (ooh I wish they would let me!) but maybe I can have my workshop in the ring. But they said I must come at 8 o'clock in the morning, oh dear, I'll have to sacrifice my cutie sleep.

Okay, so now I'm off to think of lovely ideas for my workshop and best of all, I now have an excuse to go back for more shopping at Chikpet so that I can buy the clowns some nice presents! It's going to be so much FUN!!!!! I can't wait.

P.S. Sorry I don't have any pictures cos you can't take pictures during the circus. I wish I could, cos they would have been such LOVELY pictures. Oh well. Maybe I'll draw something for you instead.

There's a circus in town!

2009-05-16T19:36:00.002+05:30

Unfortunately, it's not in this town, it's in some place called Yelahanka New Town. I have no idea how to get there, but I will. It's called the Rajmahal African Circus and tomorrow morning I'm going to meet the clowns! I'm so excited. And then after I meet them, I might drink a Coca-Cola or something cos it's probably going to be very hot and I wouldn't like to get dehydrated, and then at 1 p.m. the circus show starts and I'm going to watch it. Then I'm going to go home very hungry and have a late lunch. Unless I pack myself some tomato sandwiches or something.

I can't wait to meet the clowns. Last year I met the clowns from another circus, Jumbo Russian Circus. One day I am going to meet all the clowns of all the circuses in India. Yes.

Ooh la la.

2009-05-15T19:22:00.002+05:30

I finally got to wear my new high fashion clown dress. It is truly beautiful and most comfortable too. AND I also got to wear one of my new wigs. I think I looked extra special today at St Philomena's hospital because I got a lot of LOOKS if you know what I mean. But I'm not that type of girl. I just focussed on my work and did lots of good clowning with my friend Brush-Buddha. It was a really busy day because there were lots of children and also lots of parents. There were also lots of student nurses with mysterious signs hanging around their necks "I will speak only in English". I tried to tempt them into talking in other languages but they could not be swayed. They said that would be against their principal, who is the person who put the signs around their necks in the first place.

My new dress has very deep pockets. And they're deep pink too. And I can put a flute in them, and the flute doesn't stick out the top. That's how deep they are.

I took some pictures tonight but I had to stand in front of a mirror to get a full-length shot, so that you can see my beautiful new dress.

Clown shopping.

2009-05-11T19:13:00.000+05:30

I have been so very busy. Busy busy busy. I been training clowns for Dr. Clown! That's why I hardly get any time to write in my blog. But today I managed to get some time to myself and I went to a most magical and dirty place called Chikpet. It was WONDERFUL. I had to walk through some sewage and dodge a lot of men with huge bundles on their heads, but it was worth it.

I had to go past Chikpet to a place called Mamulpet. From there, I was told to go to another place called Kumbarpet. Down dirty little lanes filled with magical shops oh it was almost like being on Diagon Alley except there were no owls and it was only the shops that were magical, I'm pretty sure most of the people there were Muggles.

Anyway finally I found it! I had to go up a tiny flight of stairs and there it was, this thrilling little room filled with wigs and costumes and hats and feathers and walking sticks and masks and make-up and shields and helmets and oh all sorts of things. It was a most theatrical shop and I had a wonderful time there and made friends with the people there and they even gave me a cup of tea and didn't get upset when I tried on all the wigs.

I bought 4 wigs. I bought a lot of funny noses and a thing that makes you look as if you have a pencil stuck in your head. And I bought make-up nice pancake WHITE makeup! I think that's all. Oh I bought a walking stick.

I can't wait to go back and get some more wigs but once again I'm busy busy busy and so I have to wait.

Clown laundry.

2009-05-06T19:07:00.001+05:30

Oh I am a good clean clown I am.

I am a clown geek!

2009-05-05T11:33:00.002+05:30

Yes. I am a computer wizard. I would rather be a real wizard but I haven't received my Hogwarts letter yet. I don't know what's keeping that owl. Fortunately I'm still seven years old and expect to be seven for a few more hundred years at least. So I won't be the oldest kid in the class when I finally do get there.

Oh, that reminds me! This post is about something else. I forgot! I got distracted by Hogwarts. Today I made a new e-group! It's for people who want to know what's happening at Dr Clown, where I work. So whenever we clowns have a show or a workshop, I can post the information there, and everyone who's on the group will get the news. I'm so efficient! AND I even added a special box here on the blog, so that anyone who wants to join that group can just sign up ever so easily. I'm feeling very clever because I had to cut and paste html code to do it. One day maybe I'll be an even better geek and write my own html code. But probably not, because I'm too busy being a clown.

I also made a new email address, specially for Dr Clown. It's called drclown@ymail.cm. But I keep forgetting to use it.

Please join my group! It's at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/clowNews. You can click on this, or you can click on the posh box on the left side of this screen. That's more fun, I think. Do that.

NEWS: The Healing Clown - The Hindu

2009-04-28T23:50:00.001+05:30

Here's something from The Hindu newspaper's children's supplement, Young World.

By the way, we don't actually pick up the children in our arms because we're not supposed to do that. Also, the children never expect us, we're always a surprise! That's my favourite part. Except sometimes, we're more of a shock than a surprise .. once in a while a little toddler gets a bit scared when they first see us. But those are the ones who usually end up following us all around the wards.

Dipping my toe into the ocean of high fashion.

2009-04-15T19:06:00.002+05:30

Yes, today my big toe, accompanied by force of habit by the other nine, stepped into the world of high fashion. Of course I already have many lovely clothes, but they're all ready-made, and tend to be thick and cosy. I think it would be hard to leap about skinnamarinking in them.

You see, summer is upon us, and quite heavily. So I decided to consult a young princess of luxury fashion, to find out which types of fabric are best for clowns, and how best to use them, and also how many metres I would need to buy (because apparently in the fabric shops, they always recommend more than you need).

Tomorrow I'm off to Commercial Street, and we are going to spend the morning looking at lovely fabric (hopefully not just looking, but buying too). I can't wait! Watch out world! Gladys will be stepping out in style, big toe and all!

A free music lesson.

2009-04-13T19:30:00.000+05:30

Yesterday I was fortunate enough to meet a musical expert who has come down all the way from San Jose (oh that rhymes! I love it when that happens) and she very kindly shared her musical knowledge with me, so that I may in turn, share it with the kids in hospital.

Her name is Minnoli, and she has FIVE YEARS of experience on this planet, the last year of which she has devoted largely to a specialised system of training known as Kindergarten, where she has been fine-tuning these musical skills of her. Thanks to her tutoring, I now know the words AND actions of an intricate ballad that goes by the name, "Skinnamarink".

I think it's wonderful when the Universe conspires to bring these people into my life so that I may learn and grow. I shall be eternally grateful to Ms. Minnoli for this wonderful gift, and I have been skinnamarinking all over the place, ever since. I can't wait for Friday, so I can skinnamarink my way around St Phil's wards.

Aah, music.

Here is a picture of Ms. Minnoli, Skinnamarinker Par Excellence (that's French for "Extraordinaire") >

Post-script: Ms. Minnoli has very kindly had her secretary email over the lyrics, which are as follows:

Skinnamarink
Skinnamarink e-dink e-dink
Skinnamarink e-doo
I love you.
I love you in the morning
and in the afternoon.
I love you in the evening
underneath the moon.
Skinnamarink e-dink e-dink
Skinnamarink e-doo
I love you.
I do.

An incubation of clowns.

2009-04-09T11:48:00.002+05:30

In today's workshop session, we focused on finding and developing clown characters. A lot of people think that being a clown is just putting on a red nose and doing funny things. That's not it at all. You don't "DO" clown. You BE it. And being a clown is all about being a clown in your heart. It's being a clown on the inside, not just on the outside. Anyone can dress up and go hoo-hah! but that's not a clown. I've seen some scary people standing outside Kids Kemp who look like clowns, but I'm pretty sure they're not.

So today, I explained this to the trainees, and helped them work on ways to find their clowns. Given them some homework too. Now they've gone home to incubate, and any day now, they will start hatching into little fledgling clowns. I can't wait to meet them! The trainees are all very nice people, and so I'm sure their clowns will be really nice too. I've got to wait, though, cos the next workshop session will only be around the end of the month.

Clean clowns.

2009-04-08T11:39:00.001+05:30

This evening was the second session of the Training Workshop. It was all about hygiene and hospital protocol, and impressive-sounding words like "nosocomial" and "micro-organisms" and the like, were much used.

The trainees did yawn a bit here and there during this session. It's mostly discussion and lecture type stuff. But it's Very Important. Therapeutic clowns, especially those who, like us, go to hospitals, have to be very very particular about the hygiene rules for hospital work.

Well, I figure that if any of those trainees aren't really serious about joining Dr Clown, then after this Hygiene session, we probably won't see them again. So at least it would have served as a good yardstick! And if nothing else, they all know how and when to wash their hands very thoroughly.

My first workshop.

2009-04-05T12:22:00.001+05:30

Today was most exciting, because I got to meet five people who might have clowns hidden inside them. This is the first time it's ME organising the Dr Clown workshop. I think it's very nicely done, but of course I'm biased.

It went well! Lots of clowny exercises, lectures, games, discussions, all sorts of things. Everyone got to have a nice cheesy lunch at the new French cafe at the Alliance Francaise, too.

The trainees liked it so much (the training I mean, although they might have enjoyed the lunch too) that they don't want to wait too long for the next session. So we're meeting them again in just a few days for Session #2.

I held a newborn baby today.

2009-04-04T02:31:00.000+05:30

That is a very fine experience, let me tell you. Especially when he's screaming his head off cos he's just had a drip inserted in his arm, and then you talk to him and sing to him, and he stops crying.

Yes, I was back at St Phil's today, clowning with my friend Brush-buddha. We had a lovely time, as always. There weren't many patients, just about seven kiddies in the wards. So we got to spend more time with each child. That was nice. But for me, the best part was when the nurses from Neo-Natal put this little preemie baby in my hands. He's not exactly newborn, to tell you the truth. He's a whole forty days old baby! Today was his fortieth birthday, I suppose.

No rest for the wicked.

2009-03-31T00:15:00.001+05:30

Or for me. You'd think, after all that excitement and work with the Clown Show, that I would have a break. But no. Now there's a Training Workshop to get ready for. You see, we're suffering from clown shortage here in Bangalore. Mamu left us in January, and now some of the French clowns have finished with their time in Bangalore and are heading back to France. Meanwhile, most of the trainees from earlier workshops have turned out to be more like magicians than clowns - they've just plum vanished into thin air! I do wish they'd left their noses behind, though. We could use a few extra noses for people who really want to be clowns.

Never mind. There's a new batch waiting to start with the workshop on April 4th, and I have lots of work lined up, preparing for all the sessions, researching and trying out ideas for exercises.

The Case of the Kidnapped Chicken.

2009-03-29T12:06:00.001+05:30

Alas. There was one dark cloud over that strobey, multicoloured evening. My chicken went astray. He was a lovely lad, made of rubber. He was a gift that came to me all the way from San Francisco. He even had a certificate, certifying that he had been approved by the U.S. Department of Fowl Play. He had a hole at each end, and I had hoped to take him with me to hospital, when I go to visit my patients - to perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, and de-worming procedures. Sadly, it was not to be. Miss Rose thought it would be nice for him to make his debut at our Clown Show. Against my better judgment, I brought him along. That was the last time I saw him.

He was last seen in the hands of a little boy from the audience, who stuffed him happily into his bag, and took him home after the show. I don't know where he is now. I hope he's being treated well.

I put up signs all over the Alliance Francaise - "Lost! One Rubber Chicken. Please return to Gladys the Clown." But the world is a cruel place. And so they looked at my sign and they laughed.

Today I am a sad clown. A sad, chickenless clown.

And that's all, folks!

2009-03-28T00:13:00.000+05:30

It got over all too soon, but not before we had our Grand Finale, stepping out to the Bee Gee's Staying Alive. Oh, it was quite an evening. Can't wait for next year!

We got boys too.

2009-03-28T00:00:00.000+05:30

Well, just the one. Here he is, Brush-buddha, performing a wonderful rendition of 'Mummy Cool', just before Arun, our disco dancer, chased him offstage, and then HE in turn, did a very hot and sizzling version of Boney M's Daddy Cool!

A sweet surprise for Bobo.

2009-03-27T23:55:00.000+05:30

Of course, no decent clown show goes without the old pie-in-the-face! Well, in our case it was a cake, specially baked for the occasion.

Bobo deserved a prize for winning at Musical Chairs, so we, erm, GAVE IT TO HER!

Dancing queens!

2009-03-27T00:20:00.000+05:30

This was my favourite part of the show, when all us girl clowns found us some princesses in the audience, crowned them, and got them to dance with us! Remember I told you how I waltzed with the little princess in my arms? That's her in the orange pants!

That's not all we found.

2009-03-26T23:13:00.000+05:30

We also found some disco dancers all the way from Bollywood! Here they are dancing to that Mithun Chakraborty classic, "I Am A Disco Dancer".

The clown hunt continued ..

2009-03-25T23:09:00.000+05:30

and we found three more clowns! Bobo, Crazy, and Bindaas.

The banana worked!

2009-03-24T23:18:00.000+05:30

The banana worked, yes it did! First we found Babydoll. And then, to our surprise, we found a famous French pop star, Clod Francois, lurking in the audience. He was hiding in plainsclothes, but once we got him dressed up, there was no mistaking him. So Rose, Babydoll and I decided it would be nice if we all danced together with him, and we did, to a lovely song called Alexandrie, Alexandra!

Divining for clowns.

2009-03-24T22:40:00.000+05:30

After the introduction was over, Miss Rose and I got started with our story, which was all about how Dr Clown started with Rose and then me, and how we found all the other clowns and became the biggest and best clown troupe in India! (Well, to be honest, we're the ONLY clown troupe, so maybe that's why we're #1?)

Here you can see us searching for a new clown, using the ancient art of divination. Normally, you use a stick to divine for water. But we didn't have a stick, so we used a plastic banana instead.

The introduction.

2009-03-24T22:30:00.000+05:30

After the Sounds Check, we had a Grand Entry of all the clowns, one by one, to one of my favourite songs, "Grease Is The Word". I've never been too sure why it's the word, but I suppose it doesn't matter. I can't know EVERYthing.

After our first dance, Crazy and Miss Rose had a chat with the crowd (well, Crazy chatted - and Miss Rose mimed) and Crazy told them all about Marcel Marceau, whose birthday it would have been on March 22nd, which is the reason why we decided to have a party for him the night before. Marcel Marceau was a great French mime, who died last year. I remember that day, because I came to the Alliance Francaise, and found that all the French clowns were dressed in black, and I found out that he had passed on.

At the show, one little boy asked me if he could get Marcel Marceau's autograph. I had to explain to him why this would be a bit difficult. He took it well, though, and a few moments later, came back and asked me for my autograph, as he could see I was very much alive. That's the first autograph I've ever given in my life! Whee!

The Sounds Check

2009-03-23T22:18:00.000+05:30

The show started with me and Bindaas giving the audience a Sounds Check, to make sure they knew how to properly make appropriate sounds of appreciation. They were a good audience and learned fast.

I'm glad I didn't wear those red bell-bottoms, because it was Really Hot up there on stage.

Absolute chaos!

2009-03-22T22:14:00.000+05:30

That's what it was! In other words, the kids loved it! Right from the start, they were so excited to meet us, and then during the show, we kept calling them onto the stage to dance with us. I even got to pick one little girl up and waltz with her in my arms.

We all had loads of fun, and there's lots of pictures that I want to share with you. I'm going to upload them NOW!

Time for me to get The Fever!

2009-03-22T03:08:00.000+05:30

Our show starts in just a few hours! "Dr Clown Gets The Fever"! It's been hectic with lots of practices (I know some great disco moves now) and running around Commercial Street to find just the right costume. I've got new red shoes and a new red waistcoat and a shirt and hat that match: black with silver polka dots. Ooh I'm going to look so hot! Just like John Revolta. I even got me a pair of red bell-bottoms. Polyester! I wouldn't settle for anything less. But to be honest, they are a bit too hot to wear so I think I'm going to go with a nice baggy pair of green pantaloons that I'm quite fond of. Oh, and I've got a tie. It's silky, and it's white.

Now I must stop writing and go get some beauty sleep, so that I have lots of energy and a pretty face for this evening's show! I'll tell you all about the show next time!

Busy, busy, busy.

2009-02-28T23:03:00.001+05:30

That's what I've been. I'm going to be running Dr Clown and there's so much to do. Right now we're trying to get ready for our next Clown Show. I've written a script and it's all about clowns getting the disco fever. There's going to be lots of songs from the 1970s. That was a good time. So I'm hoping our show will also be a good time.

Meanwhile there's rehearsals, sound and light to organise, costumes to get, dances to practise, press releases to write .. ooh, lots of work but it's all fun too.

I'm on Facebook!

2009-02-27T00:55:00.001+05:30

Whoopee! Apart from having my very own blog, I now also have my very own Facebook profile! It's most thrilling. If you're on Facebook, you can add me as a friend; my profile name is "Gladys Tonsils". See you there!

NEWS: Clowning Around - India Today

2009-01-31T00:31:00.000+05:30

Gosh! Another article this month, this time in India Today's "Simply Bangalore" magazine, written by Ashwin Venkatesh.

It's exciting, it's like everyone's waking up and discovering that we're here. I hope there are more clowns out there who read these articles and then make their way over to find us! It would be lovely to meet more clowns. I'm sure they're out there somewhere..

NEWS: The Serious Business of Clowning - Deccan Herald

2009-01-25T00:18:00.000+05:30

Yes, it really does take a lot of serious work to be seriously funny. Here's an article from Bangalore's Deccan Herald newspaper, all about it! Of course the DH has gone and got totally confused and actually captioned the picture wrong. Nazu and Severine indeed! That's clearly a picture of Glad and Miss Rose.

Glad, you ask? Short for Gladys? No, not at all. That's my twin brother, Glad. He visits us infrequently, being quite a shy soft-spoken boy. In fact, he only seems to find his voice when I lose mine. (Refer my history with pharyngitis for more details).

NEWS: Clown Workshop - Time Out magazine

2008-11-01T23:40:00.000+05:30

Look, it's me! I really like this picture. It wasn't hard to gaze adoringly into the camera, because behind it was a nice muscly young fella called Ashwin.

This article was written by a nice non-muscly girl called Akila. Well, maybe she had muscles, I don't know. I was too busy looking at the photographer's muscles to notice. But I do like the way she wrote this article. And I like this magazine, too. They're always writing about interesting things happening in Bangalore,and I'm so pleased they think we're interesting!

Return of the living clown!

2008-07-12T10:48:00.001+05:30

I am back from holiday! I took myself off to London, and went to visit an old friend of mine. I just got back this morning, in time to start clowning.

It was a lot like old times - me and Mamu at St. Philomena's. Mamu's been going regularly and has added lots to his repertoire - magic tricks, new dances and jokes - and he can even rattle along quite admirably in Tamil now! I’m impressed.

As for me, I’ve had a makeover! I’ve decided less is more, when it comes to make-up, and also, I’m working on a new wardrobe, too. Can’t wait.

Going on a manhunt.

2008-03-25T10:36:00.001+05:30

I have a thing for older men, you see. So naturally, I was looking forward to meeting some eligible octogenarians this evening. All dressed up and someplace to go - the place in question being The Little Sisters' of the Poor Home for the Aged. It was party time! Birthday party, with cake, candles and prezzies, and eighteen residents seated up front as guests of honour - these were the people whose birthdays come up this month. There was also one lady, Marjorie, 95, celebrating her 25th year at the Home!

Put-put, Bindas and I were just in time for the birthday song and cake-cutting. I wasted not much time getting acquainted with the gentlemen, who were, oddly enough, quite shy. Mr. Gorman's knees weren't up to dancing (so he said). Mr Watt and Mr. Gomes did have a lovely chat with me but remained firmly seated. I think they were all playing hard-to-get. Mr. Selvaraj was busy with a nap, though he did wake up later to graciously receive my farewell rose. Still, one courageous chap Raymond did get up and waltz a bit with me. Made my day. I think he must have been quite a dancer in his day, because he actually managed to follow some of my more complex dance moves.

Put-put meanwhile decided to pull up the ladies for some dancing (they seemed a bit more energetic) and even found a Dancing Queen! (You think I’m kidding, don’t you? But her name really is Queenie). Bindas, who's just finished the Dr Clown workshop and is still in training, was a bit shy. But she has connections. She brought Spiderman AND Batman with her. They were a lot shorter than I expected - they could have passed for 6-year-olds. Odd, that.

Well, the fun went on through cake and tea-time, and we got to introduce ourselves to well over a hundred people. And looking after all these lovely ladies and gallant gentlemen was a huge family of SISTERS. It was quite remarkable, I thought, and very sweet that they all liked to dress in identical clothes. And looking after all the sisters was a mummy. None of the sisters looked very French, but they all called their mummy "Ma Mere" .. and mummy spoke with an American accent. Hmm.

In addition to all these, was a gaggle of highly excitable, giggly and occasionally hysterical girls. Apparently these creatures are known as The Pestilence.

Bubbles, music, song, dance, and much laughter. And then, too soon, it was over. Alas, the gentlemen quickly made their escape while I was distracted by yet another pair of sisters - Isabel and Noreen Russell - who WEREN'T dressed in identical clothes. A last dose of bubbles got Isabel a-singing "I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles" accompanied by my beautiful rendition on the melodica. I promised her I’d practise more songs and come back soon for a sing-along.

It was sad to leave, but we meet to part - and meet again, and there were lots of smiling, laughing faces waving back at me as we drove away. I hope I get to go back soon. I really liked it there.

Tuesday matinee at the circus!

2008-01-30T11:19:00.002+05:30

Off to the circus I went today! Front row seats to start with, and lunch with a clown and two trapeze artists to finish it off! Inbetween I got to see a never-ending stream of circus acts--it started with the trapeze, then went on to balancing acts on a steel rod, tightrope, trick skaters, a "boneless" lady contortionist, daredevil motorbikers (one of whom turned out to be a woman)-- actually there were quite a few daredevil stunts, my heart was in my mouth quite often especially during the "ring of death" which was this huge double-ended pendulum like-thing that swirled high in the sky while the circus people strolled upon it most casually. One man even rode a unicycle on it!

There were tumblers who were great, and I thought they would have been even greater if they had clown make-up on--they were both brilliant and funny, well-coordinated and it was clear that they were having Fun with a capital F. Next a young girl went up on this ring-swing-thing and did all sorts of gasp-inspiring twirls and balancing feats up in the air, to the Titanic song! (I must say it was much more interesting and magical than Leonardo and Kate spreading their wings on the tip of the Titanic!)

Then came a doggie troupe - 3 poms, 2 dalmatians and a poodle. No animal cruelty there .. their tails just never stopped wagging!! They were very happy dogs. After the doggies, it was the oddly named Dental Act. I prefer to call it "the teeth-twirlers"! All these women spinning and twirling, suspended in the air, and holding on only with their teeth! Trick cyclists, all women, came on and did a bunch of balancing tricks, wheelies, etc. As they rode out, a bareback rider galloped in on a very beautiful horse.

I found out later that there's a circus superstition about the number of animals and this is why the circus has seven horses, seven elephants, seven everything. I only counted three camels, though. But I guess three is enough. They were pretty bad-tempered. And somewhat malodorous. I wonder if anyone collects all the wonderful elephant/camel/horse manure .. it would be very good fertiliser.)

But I digress. After the horse, an elephant trundled into the ring and performed a puja. Then a Russian woman with a lovely bum did all sorts of spinning and balancing trick with her legs in the air (lying on a platform on her back) then added hula hoops and finally juggling balls. She was a real multi-tasker, and all the young men in the audience were very impressed by her talents. They whistled a LOT.

Birds were next! Macaws and cockatoos. They were such beautiful birds and so very sweet. The birds were followed by a very rippling gentleman. Muscles all over! His arms and shoulders were incredible. He did a whole lot of gymnastics that pretty much explained why he had these incredible muscles - red ribbon wrapped around his wrists and then up into the air to do all sorts of twists and turns entirely on his arms' strength.

There was Chinese plate-spinning by the girls and then the bad-tempered camels did a trot around and some stunts, accompanied by their equally bad-tempered trainer. Every time he whacked them on the backside I thought of policemen whacking prisoners at a police station with their lathis. This was the only performance for which I could not clap. The dogs, the birds, the elephants even, seemed to be having fun, but the camels were just really Not Pleased To Be There. One of them actually looked quite disdainful. (But I suppose looking disdainful is better than looking miserable.)

A trampoline act, a knife act and a fire-eater (who was accompanied by a rather embarrassed-looking young woman who danced vaguely around while he posed and leapt like a matador and spat huge flames out of his mouth).

Another animal act! An elephant who played cricket. No singles, only sixes. Team India could use this, but I recall noticing some rather massive (and very pendulous) vulva and so I guess SHE wouldn't be eligible for the men's team. And for some strange reason, although everyone in India claims to be “cricket-crazy”, not one of them seems very interested in women’s cricket.

Anyway, this elephant, she had a snack and a "drink" and did a tipsy thing, before taking a nap in the ring. Another elephant came in to play doctor with her. (Now, now, just because I mentioned the vulva don't go thinking perverse thoughts. He just checked her heart with a giant stethoscope and gave her an injection).

The show ended with more of the tumbling/gymnastic stuff, this time it was people jumping off one end of a see-saw and someone on the other end getting hurtled up into the air and into a nice comfy sofa that was balanced on the end of a long rod on someone's shoulders. It was the kind of thing you see in a Loony Tunes cartoon.

And then it was over, just like that. The only thing I missed was that they didn’t have a ringleader to compere the show; there was just a voice over a microphone. Also the assistants handling the ropes etc. would have looked nicer if they were in some sort of costume.

And you must be wondering: what about the clowns? Well, they were in and out throughout the show, and they waved and smiled specially at me whenever they went by. They did all sorts of funny things down in the ring with their clown car, and even up in the air on the trapeze.

But the most amazing thing about today is this: I PETTED A HIPPO TODAY! One of the most dangerous animals in the world! This one was quite benign. But still - a hippo! A real live hippopotamus. After the show, William, one of the clowns, took me round the back, behind the ring and I got to meet Raja the hippo. He was rough and pokey but I’m happy I got to pet him. Not many people get to pet a hippo and come away with all their fingers still attached to their hand.

I also met the dogs, a bunch of birdies, and ended my wonderful day at the circus sitting in a tent with William the clown, two trapeze artists (a married couple from Nepal) and a friend of William's. He was quite a character. It turns out he grew up just round the corner from where I live! He tried to frighten us with some rather bizarre ghost stories that centred around my neighbourhood. But the stories were quite funny, so I don’t think any of us got frightened. I did gasp a few times, but I think that was from the food. Circus people like it spicy.

So for now, good night. And those of you in Bangalore: GO TO THE CIRCUS! It's on till the 10th of February, shows are at 1, 4 and 7 pm (summer clothing recommended). And at one of these shows, Gladys and Miss Rose will be making a guest appearance. Watch this space!

The circus is in town!

2008-01-21T10:48:00.001+05:30

It was like part of a childhood dream come true. There was no sawdust in the ring, just nice red Karnataka dust--but it was a circus ring, a real live circus ring. There were acrobats doing flips on a trampoline, one girl sitting on the handlebars of a bicycle and riding backwards, there were men and women up on the trapeze. And down in the dust, the nice red dust, Miss Rose and I met the clowns of the Jumbo Russian Circus!

We spent two hours with them, telling them about how we work as hospital clowns, we played together, practised together, and had a lot of fun. Talking was tough at first, because it went through a very complicated procedure: from French to Franglais to English to Hinglish and finally to Hindi. But as clowns do, we all managed to communicate with each other. And even when we miscommunicated, it was okay. Clowns are cool with mistakes.

There were about eight of them. Three of them were little. They were from all over India - Nepal, Madras, Bombay .. they were Hindu, Muslim, Christian, and one of them was from phoren--"William from Belgium"--we thought he was just joking, as he said this in nothing like a Belgian accent, but it turned out he was the last of a Belgian circus family, and he'd been born and brought up here in India. His wife is Indian and none of his children are in the circus. They all work in the real world.

Circus people don't look very well off. But they smile a lot. Some of the clowns were once trapeze artists or acrobats, who turned to clowning as they got older. They were all lovely people, and very shy at first. They were amazed at the fact that Miss Rose and I were clowns--"there are no lady clowns in India," we were informed.

So apparently I am India's very first home-grown "lady clown". Although to tell the truth, I ain't much of a lady. I’ve been known to swear a bit, but only when children aren't around.

At the end of our session, one of the clowns, Chandrashekhar, rushed off to bring us his photo albums and showed us pictures from his past. There was an amazing old black and white shot of him in white leotards (non-spangly), chest puffed out, good old seventies hair and pencil-thin moustache, from before he became a clown. And his clown pictures! Oh! He had the most delightful costumes and the most to-die-for spiralled walking stick. I wish I had one like that. Maybe when I grow old.

Before we left, the clowns invited us to join them in the ring at one of their shows! Not to do a full performance, but just to go around the ring once when they first come out. THAT will be the childhood dream come true. Although in the childhood dream I was usually dressed in a spangly dress and standing on one foot atop a trotting horse, or else dressed in spangly tights and flying from a trapeze into the arms of one of the Cimarro brothers.

Ah, the Cimarro brothers .. they were the trapeze artists at Gerry Cottle's Circus, a British circus that I saw in the early seventies. They were Italian and unshaven and they wore tights. I do not remember if the tights were spangly. I remember falling madly in love with both brothers and wanting to run away and join the circus. But I couldn’t remember the way back to the circus, so I never did. I still have a thing for Italian men, though. That’s probably their fault.

NEWS: Clowning Those Ills Away - Mint

2008-01-09T00:27:00.000+05:30

Here's a nice surprise! An article written about us clowns and the work we do at Dr Clown India. It's published in Mint, which, I can only assume, is a fresh and tangy stem of the Wall Street Journal network.

NEWS: Photo feature - Indian Express

2007-12-05T17:47:00.000+05:30

I'm a Page 3 girl! Or maybe it was page 33. Whatever .. I’m in the news and feeling quite pleased about it. This pic was taken at the Overseas Women's Foundation's Annual Bazaar on December 1st, 2007, held at the St Mark's Cathedral grounds. Dr Clown had a table there. Well, half a table. We set up shop with our wonderful 2008 calendar --- a rather delightful work of art, featuring photographs of all of us clowns - and our colourful postcards, as well as a couple of exotic cakes and muffins. We also had MUCH fun painting clown faces on lots of wonderful little children.

I had a WONDERFUL time. I wore my best new hat. In between painting faces and helping myself to clown cake, I tromped around the bazaar, meeting everyone and making lots of new friends. I also adopted two very nice puppets, a witch who now goes by the name "Mrs. Snape" and a little clown who is yet to be named (you can see him in the picture .. I have him by the neck).

I also got to have a mesmerising conversation with Basava, a large and extremely patient ox who was taking children on cart rides around the cathedral grounds. He was a quiet sort of ox. He didn't have much to say, but he turned out to be a very good listener.

Yes, it was a good day indeed. A nice nutritious clown lunch of cotton candy and something wonderful called a hog dog (which is made of neither pigs nor dogs). I even bumped into Santa Claus. Alas, I did not get a chance to sit on Santa's lap (that would have been quite a feat, as he was standing up at the time) but he did promise to send me Professor Snape for Christmas. I don’t want Professor Snape for myself, I’m a one-man clown, and that man is Shah Rukh Khan. But I know Nazu gets all weak in the knees whenever she sees Professor Snape in the Harry Potter movies. I thought maybe I could hide him in her Christmas stocking for her.

The highlight of the day was when Dr. Tonsils showed up. Yes! Nazu’s daddy, who has very kindly adopted me and made me part of the family! It was his 81st birthday and so all us clowns got together to give him a beautifully tuneless rendition of the "Happy Birthday" song. There was a strange expression on his face while we sang, the harmony and melody drawing crowds of curious onlookers (or perhaps music lovers). Nazu insists his expression was a combination of pleasure and embarrassment, but I’m sure it was just his pure unadulterated joy, perhaps on an empty stomach. (He left for lunch soon after).

Then on we went, and I even got to step out for some fresh air with Miss Rose. We walked down from St. Mark’s to a famous restaurant called Koshy’s. Now I’m not vain, but let me tell you, we turned plenty of heads at that fine establishment.

That was one good clown day.

Face painting at the Christmas bazaar.

2007-12-03T11:53:00.000+05:30

Here are some pictures that Dr Crazy took of me at the OWC Bazaar yesterday! Miss Rose decided to be different! So instead of wearing her offical Dr Clown nose, she got me to paint a ladybird on the tip of her nose!

I also had loads of fun painting clown faces on little children there. I wish I had more pictures of their funny sweet faces. I do, but only in my memory.

Happy Birthday!

2007-12-02T12:04:00.001+05:30

No, not my birthday. It's my friend here. I don't know why he's wearing a black t-shirt on his birthday. Surely he should have worn something bright and jolly. Anyway he came to the Christmas Bazaar and we all sang Happy Birthday to him. That's Put-put and Dr Crazy in the picture with him.

Return of the red-nosed!

2007-12-01T13:29:00.000+05:30

Ooh, it feels good to be back! Today I finally started clowning again. Mamooo and I did the rounds at Philomena's, there were lots of little girls and boys ranging from 4 to 9 years old or so - Dolly, Pavan, Rita, Prashant, Giri, Akash and one little boy whose name I forgot to ask, mainly because he had a bar of Cadbury's in his shirt pocket so she kept calling him Chocolate Boy and pretending to steal his candy - and we succeeded in getting loads of giggles from them all. Mamu's fart-balloon was a huge success.

My favourite crotchety old cleaning lady was very happy to see us again, although she chased us out of one room where she had just mopped the floor. She talks to me a lot. As I don’t speak any Tamil, and she doesn’t speak any English, these conversations are always quite intriguing. I’m pretty sure she is asking for a dance, so I usually try to sweep her into a waltz. She was saying something about tomatoes at one point, and pointing at my nose. It must have been some traditional Tamil vegetarian compliment.

We also succeeded in drying some tears, which felt good. The first was Sakshi, a little boy in the ICU, having a drip put in. Screaming his head off. We didn't do much good at first, but then Mamu started singing softly and he actually calmed down. Meanwhile Sakshi’s mummy was getting equally worked up and she dissolved into tears too so I took her off to one side and we had a little chat and dried those tears off.

For me, the best part of the morning - the biggest compliment - was when we were heading back at the end of our rounds, and one of the senior nurses stopped to tell us that Akash, one of the kids we'd seen earlier was crying and would we go back and cheer him up? It really felt good, and meant a lot that she recognised the value of clowns in hospital.

Akash wasn't in pain, just cranky and unhappy. I think he wanted a cigarette, but as you know, there’s No Smoking in hospitals. However, the nurses had given him a funny machine called a nebuliser, which kept pouring out all the smoke he needed. All he had to do was stick a little mask over his face and inhale it. But you know these smokers. They want their cigarettes. So he kept pushing it away and crying, and making quite a lot of noise.

But once we arrived, we were able to calm him down and then he had lots of happy puffs on his nebuliser. It was wonderful to be there and see him soon go from screaming back to his delightfully mischievous giggling.

So - a lovely morning. Exhausting, of course. So I’ll stop here. I’ve a big day tomorrow at the Overseas Women’s Group’s Christmas Bazaar. Must get my cutie sleep.

NEWS: Waiting For Dr Gladys - Sattva

2007-11-12T00:22:00.000+05:30

A nice young man named Ratish wrote this article about me, for Sattva, which is an e-zine that writes about important things and nice people that do them.

A new hospital.

2007-10-10T21:17:00.002+05:30

At long last. This weekend sees the start of a new assignment! Miss Rose and I are heading to the paediatric ward of Kidwai, the government cancer hospital, this Saturday. We are both very excited and a bit nervous too. Clowning in the paediatric ward of a general hospital is one thing, we meet different children each time. I love every child I meet, but at the cancer hospital, we’ll be seeing patients who are in for longer stretches of time. We'll see the same faces each time, and then one day, some of those faces won’t be there, because not everyone makes it through cancer. I don’t think it’s supposed to be this way, but sometimes children die. That makes a clown cry.

Gladys Tonsils, drama queen.

2007-09-05T16:09:00.000+05:30

It turns out I have royal blood in me. Yes. Apparently I am a drama queen. After all the melodrama and fond farewells, I have discovered that my vocal chords are going to heal after all, and that with some exercise and self-restraint, I will once again be able to fill the air with my delectably shrill Cockney accent!

For the moment, though, my voice is far from alright, and every phone conversation leaves me feeling as though I have peanuts stuck in my throat. So I still have to be careful, and have to do that silent thing at least two days every week, but at least I know that I can soon be back at work, and as noisy as ever. Hurrah!

Oh dear.

2007-08-16T16:05:00.001+05:30

I’m very sad. The doctor has told me that for the next three to six months, I have to very careful with my voice. I've spent the last week in total silence, visited the doc again today, and now for the next fortnight have permission to speak a few words at a time, "only when absolutely necessary", along with various other instructions, medicines and even a series of calcium injections that my bum will play host to. Ouch. (Those of you who are wondering, no, calcium supplements won't do. I already asked.)

No singing, no wind instruments, no lovely noisy clowning. At least for the next few months. I would really miss singing my favourite Christmas carols. And I'm already missing my flute. Most of all I miss my voice.

Off I go to think more sad thoughts.

Gifts from London.

2007-08-11T15:59:00.001+05:30

Fiona is a lovely person! She’s never met me before but that didn’t stop her from bringing me a bagful of goodies from London! What a noble soul! I am now the proud owner of red and white striped clown stockings, three glorious (and easily washable) pairs of colourful gloves in pink, yellow and orange and a multi-coloured pair of suspenders.

It was all deliciously exciting (oh yes, she also brought me two packets of an old favourite of mine: Rowntree's Fruit Gums) .. but horribly frustrating to have to react silently!

Talking of silent (talking?), I have decided that while my voice is on hold, maybe my twin brother Glad could go out and do my clowning for me. He’s a quiet lad, never has much to say anyway. Sweet little soft-spoken Glad. We are Siamese twins, don’t you know, and between us we have only one skin, so we take turns at being inside out or outside in. He’s quite happy being outside in, but seeing as I have this medical emergency, I’m hoping he’ll help me out.

I'm all shut up.

2007-08-10T01:36:00.000+05:30

Bad news, I think. All that talking at the Clown Show turned out not to be the greatest thing for my vocal chords. So here I sit in silence. It started with a little lump in my throat that didn't hurt but wouldn't go away. I finally got the courage to go see a doctor about it. The good news is that I don't have throat cancer. The bad news is that I must have total voice rest for at least a week.

That means no talking. (And those of you who've had the honour to meet me in person, will know just how hard that is!) It's very frustrating. It's less than 24 hours since I succumbed to silence, and it is Very Difficult.

Plus everyone has started to talk really loud (I'm not deaf, just mute) and also speaking in one-word sentences and waving their arms around with lots of gestures and what appears to be their idea of sign language. I now must carry a note around to remind people that just because I can't talk, doesn't mean they can't use full sentences.

What will happen to me? I don't know. After the swelling's gone down, I'll have to do some speech therapy exercises or something. And then we'll just have to see. Because I’m quite a noisy clown. I don't think I’d like being a mime quite as much.

Our first Clown Show!

2007-07-23T01:30:00.000+05:30

I have been SO busy of late. And sick too. Not horribly. But as those of you who follow this blog know, a cough, cold or upset stomach is a big no-no on the job, so I haven't been clowning for nearly 3 weeks. I do miss it. But if all goes well, I should be back in action this Tuesday at St. Philomena's. Must go check all my clothes and props are ready.

Meanwhile, here is a lovely pic from our very first Clown Show, “Miss Rose and The Magical Treasure”. We had in June, at the Alliance Francaise. It was a lovely evening, and the hall was packed. I wish I had more pictures, but sadly, Nazu’s daddy forgot to take his camera!

This picture was taken by a young journalist Rajiv Bangera who interviewed us for a story in a new magazine that should be out in August. I think it is the sweetest picture! It sums up the heart of Gladys and Rose and what we’re here for.

My brush with the fuzz.

2007-06-18T13:15:00.001+05:30

It was just another morning at St. Philomena’s Hospital. There I was, clowning merrily, when suddenly a stern policeman blocked my path, and informed me that I was wanted in the Administration department. (This turned out to be a lie).

I went peacefully (I did manage to tell the children and other patients to call my lawyer and my mummy as I went). Oddly enough, the policeman refused to handcuff me, no matter how much I insisted.

Finally, in the administration dept, I was able to explain. It was a simple case of miscommunication, or in this case, no communication. The police inspector turned out to be a security guard - the ward sister hadn't been informed about Dr Clown's visits, so when she saw Mamu and me clomping happily down her corridors, she thought, "Who on earth are these two clowns?" (literally!) and called Security!

All was sorted out amicably, once everyone knew that we had the approval of both the hospital director and the head of paediatrics. There were a few extra journeys up and down because the Security guard's colleagues hadn't been updated either, and so they refused to let us back in to the wards!

Being a lady of some leisure, I waited and blew bubbles at them, while Mamu chivalrously made these perilous trips back and forth to prove our innocence. Eventually we got back in, and the whole funny little mishap ended up making us all good buddies.

Unfortunately we've not had the opportunity to go clowning there since (I do hope they don't think we're sulking or scared off), as one week Mamu had a cold, one week we were tied up with rehearsals for our show, and then last week I had a bad stomach. (We don't go clowning if we have any such illnesses, so that there is “no risk of passing infections to sick children whose resistance is already compromised”, as the guidelines say).

But joy! Tomorrow is Tuesday, and we shall head back to St Phil's at 10.30 a.m!

Before the show.

2007-06-17T13:03:00.000+05:30

Here are a few pix from rehearsals at the Alliance Francaise before our very first clown show. The first pic is of Biclown and me with the little French pixies who put on a wonderful acrobatic routine with Fabiola and Miss Rose on The Planet of Acrogaz.

Next we have Mamu looking very happy with his lady friends from the Planet of Fire! Fabiola (the pixies' leader) is second from right, and if your eyesight is better than mine, you'd already have noticed Miss Rose peeking in from behind.

Finally Miss Rose in one of her delightful specially tailored outfits (Calvin Klown, I think) with Eric, director of Alliance, a man who appears to be a sedate professional here, but later turned into an hilarious Crowd Checker at the show, armed with his feather duster to dust the heads of people in the audience after zooming around the stage and ramps on his bicycle and honking a wonderful bulb horn!

I must get me one of those horns. There was a time when every self-respecting auto rickshaw was equipped with one. Nowadays all the autos have those irritating hi-tech buttons that go "nyeet-nyeet-nyeet", and I do so miss the mellow "pwarrrrmp" of those old bulb horns.

Shaky but stirring.

2007-06-15T23:18:00.001+05:30

Dr Mamoo is not the world's greatest photographer. But he does love taking pictures, so here you have - me, striking a Don pose with my friend Prashant, in honour of my boyfriend Shah Rukh Khan. (Some people say I ought to call him my "alleged" boyfriend, because he does not know that I exist. All I have to say to this is: YET. He does not know I exist YET. )

In the next picture, you can see me giving little Ashwita a laughter check with my stetho-ho-ho-scope. We don't usually take pictures at hospital but today Dr Mamoo was very trigger-happy and so I have these two blurry but good memories of a happy morning at the hospital!

Being a clown is a good thing to be.

2007-05-22T23:12:00.001+05:30

I love being a clown. People think it’s just a job, but really it’s a way of life. It’s a philosophy.It's being gentle AND strong, and being vulnerable without being a doormat. I can’t speak for circus clowns, some of whom seem to like hitting each other on the head, but for us therapeutic clowns, an important part of our clowning is always maintaining a certain purity and innocence that will not allow us to hurt anyone's feelings, even each other’s.

I came across the following bit of writing, it was written about people who are emotionally healthy, but it also sums up so nicely what a good clown is. It makes we think we need more red noses in this world. Don't you agree?

"People who feel good about themselves do not exploit others and are not available for exploitation. People who feel good about themselves, far from exhausting or trying the patience of their acquaintances, exhibit a veritable feast of exciting, appealing characteristics that other human beings tend to find irresistible.

People who are self-accepting ..
laugh ..
listen ..
do not exploit others for their gratification ..
have energy ..
are more creative than people who hold themselves in low esteem ..
are tolerant of the changing moods of others ..
learn to live with what they cannot change ..
exude enthusiasm ..
project confidence ..
exult in the successes of their friends without feeling competitive or threatened ..
are sensitive to the needs of others ..
take appropriate risks ..
risk failure in order to find out what they have the right stuff for ..
often have an intriguing sense of depth or mystery about them ..
do not pretend to have all the answers ..
are realistically optimistic ..
do not ridicule the helpless or humiliate the weak ..
tend to make people they spend time with feel good about themselves ..
enjoy helping others and working to develop a sense of community ..
have a sense of purpose and develop the sense of a special mission in life ..
are able to turn their mistakes into lessons and begin anew.

Don't kid yourself; even people who exhibit most, if not all, of the above characteristics suffer periods of despair, disappointment and depression. Bad things do happen to good people, even those with a healthy sense of self-worth. But such people rebound."

- from "Why Love is not Enough" by Sol Gordon, PhD.

Clowning is serious work.

2007-05-12T22:48:00.001+05:30

It’s not as easy as it looks! There are three main aspects of clown work (four if you count the nap).

1. Hygiene

This is a Very Important Part of hospital clowning, and the least fun. Before going to hospital, I have a headbath. I check my nails are clean, clip them short, and remove any nail polish. (Not that I wear nail polish, but if I did, I would. Remove it, I mean). Then I make sure EVERYTHING I need for the hospital is clean (my costume, bag, shoes, and my important medical equipment like my hammer, saw, and especially my laughter injection thingie). After I get back from hospital, there's more stuff to clean – I throw everything - clown costume, towels, hair bands, socks, hats, cloth puppets - into the washing machine. While that's whirling around, I have ANOTHER headbath. If there were any patients with infectious diseases or bad coughs, then I sometimes have a salt-water gargle, too. Afterwards I wash the rest of my equipment by hand - juggling balls, flutes, whatever, even the make-up brushes. I wipe down my bags, shoes, toiletries (cold cream, toner, talc, lotion) and make-up kit, with disinfectant. I even scrub the soles of my clown shoes with hot soapy water (hospital floors have GERMS). By the time I'm done with it, the laundry's done and I put that out to dry. Later, I steam iron my clown costume, and then put everything away in its place, usually wrapped in plastic packets (I'm so particular I even rinse out the plastic packets!) so that I'm all set for my next Clown Rounds.

2. Practice

Although a lot of my work is based on improvisation, I still have lots of things to practise, so that I have tons of fun stuff already stored in my nose for when I go to work: juggling, puppetry, music and song, storytelling. Some of the things I like to do are singing scales to keep my pretty voice fit, practise singing and learning new songs, (lullabies are good in the neo-natal ward, the little babies like them, and stop crying). I also have to practise scales on my recorder, melodica, and songs to play on them too. I like learning Shah Rukh Khan songs, because as you know he is the love of my life. I like singing and dancing to his songs at hospital. Everyone loves Shah Rukh Khan, but no one more than I.

3. Performance

This part of my work starts with loading everything up and driving over to hospital. Once I’m all dressed up and looking lovely, my first stop is usually to the nurses, to have a word (well, several words, one word usually isn’t enough) about my patients. That way I can find out if there are any special cases, e.g. pre-op - who might be afraid and need some reassurance; or post-op - who might be in pain and could do with some light relief but perhaps not boisterous loud clowning). Then it’s off on my rounds with my clown partner (it changes from visit to visit, but we always work in twos) and we go from bed to bed to bed, visiting all the children and making them feel better.

4. The Nap

This is another Very Important Part. After I've done all the cleaning, I have a hearty meal, followed by a nice long nap. Otherwise I get very tired and cranky, and sometimes have a little weep the next day. I’m not too sure why. But if I have a nice nap, that’s less likely, I think. The hearty meal is pretty important too, and the trick is to eat as much as you can, as fast as you can, before your brain has time to figure out that your stomach is full.

And there you have it. That’s what my workday is like.

One fine day at St. Philomena's.

2007-05-11T10:27:00.000+05:30

Today was our first day at St. Philomena's. Miss Rose and I got off to a good start when we found a poor ailing banana who wasn't peeling well, right there in the doctors' changing room. There was a nice bed in the room, but the poor banana had been left on a hard wooden table, so after we gave him the once-over with my stethoscope, we tucked him in and left him to rest.

First stop was the neo-natal ward, where the little preemies got their first taste (well sound) of French lullabies. And then onward and upward to the pediatric wards.

On the way Miss Rose came upon a bunch of gloves just hanging around listlessly. Three whole rows of them. Realising that these poor flaccid souls were in urgent need of medical attention, she gave them some bubbles, while I taught them some finger exercises. I wasn't sure if they were girl gloves or boy gloves.

"Didn't you see?" said Miss Rose, wiggling her thumb. "Boys!"

On the way to the wards, Mrs. Rose stopped for an impromptu magic show. Meanwhile Dr Mamu's driver Kishore showed up so I hurried him off to the changing room so that he could deliver Mamu to us asap. Once Mamu showed up, we had lots of fun, surrounded by many giggly children, and one little boy who was actually guffawing with laughter. I didn't know little children could guffaw: I've seen them giggle, chortle and laugh; this was my first guffaw.

There was one tense moment when I was feeling a bit peakish and Miss Rose got out her humongous rectal thermometer. But it passed quickly and painlessly. All in all, you could say it went smoothly.

And then it was back to the changing room for one last check on Mr. Banana, who was looking quite rested after his peaceful nap in the doctors' bed. He's sure to have been peeling well by the afternoon.

Waiting for Miss Rose.

2007-05-08T22:30:00.001+05:30

She has gone to Nepal. I hope she'll be back soon, so that I can go clowning with her at St. Philomena's. Miss Rose is a French clown, and she runs Docteur Clown India where I work. She's the first clown friend I met after coming to India.

A new hospital on the cards.

2007-05-04T10:19:00.001+05:30

Today I went to St. Philomena's Hospital and met Dr. Rajeev, a twinkly-eyed paediatrician who works there. On Monday, I have to go back and meet the Hospital Director, and also something called The Hod. It sounds ominous. I hope I'll come out of it alive. Meanwhile, I'm very busy getting my clown clothes ready for the new hospital. I've also been practising my juggling. I used to be totally useless at it, but now I've moved up to abyssmal. I've just invested in a set of bowling pins, also for juggling. Soon I hope to be abyssmal at that too.

Meeting Dr. Mamu.

2007-04-22T09:59:00.000+05:30

Until today, I was the one and only Indian clown doctor, and I had only one other clown friend, that's Miss Rose, who's from France. But now I have another new friend. His name is Dr. Mamu, and he's just become a clown doctor too. We went clowning together at Ramaiah's Teaching Hospital. We had a lovely time. I even got to speak to the love of my life, Shah Rukh Khan, on my special banana cellphone. I was hoping to get married to him on Tuesday, but it turns out he's already married. Fortunately, I was able to call Salman Khan, and reschedule the groom and the wedding for Wednesday (he has gym on Tuesday).

Dr Mamu was feeling a bit left out of all the wedding plans, so he thought maybe he could marry Aishwarya Rai. It was with a heavy heart that I had to inform him he was too late, because Ash and Abi have just got married. However, I was able to provide him with an eminently available alternative: A Ms. Jhanvi Kapoor who was hoping to marry Abi herself. Lucky for Dr Mamu that I keep on top of current affairs.

A birthday party.

2007-04-14T09:47:00.001+05:30

Today I got to make some new friends. There was a cake to be delivered, and it was up to me to get the job done. Kumari, the birthday girl, seemed extremely happy to see the cake. When I rang the doorbell, she opened the front door and just stood there, laughing hysterically with joy. I'm not surprised. It was one of those chewy chocolate cakes.

The big day.

2007-03-07T07:30:00.000+05:30

And so it came to pass, like wind after beans. An audition, a workshop, and the next thing I know I have my first job as a clown here in Bangalooraloo. I have my very own official red nose, crafted out of the finest plastic (waterproof and washable, which is very important for a therapeutic clown), and I'm all set to go forth and clown!