Tuesday matinee at the circus!

Off to the circus I went today! Front row seats to start with, and lunch with a clown and two trapeze artists to finish it off! Inbetween I got to see a never-ending stream of circus acts--it started with the trapeze, then went on to balancing acts on a steel rod, tightrope, trick skaters, a "boneless" lady contortionist, daredevil motorbikers (one of whom turned out to be a woman)-- actually there were quite a few daredevil stunts, my heart was in my mouth quite often especially during the "ring of death" which was this huge double-ended pendulum like-thing that swirled high in the sky while the circus people strolled upon it most casually. One man even rode a unicycle on it!

There were tumblers who were great, and I thought they would have been even greater if they had clown make-up on--they were both brilliant and funny, well-coordinated and it was clear that they were having Fun with a capital F. Next a young girl went up on this ring-swing-thing and did all sorts of gasp-inspiring twirls and balancing feats up in the air, to the Titanic song! (I must say it was much more interesting and magical than Leonardo and Kate spreading their wings on the tip of the Titanic!)

Then came a doggie troupe - 3 poms, 2 dalmatians and a poodle. No animal cruelty there .. their tails just never stopped wagging!! They were very happy dogs. After the doggies, it was the oddly named Dental Act. I prefer to call it "the teeth-twirlers"! All these women spinning and twirling, suspended in the air, and holding on only with their teeth! Trick cyclists, all women, came on and did a bunch of balancing tricks, wheelies, etc. As they rode out, a bareback rider galloped in on a very beautiful horse.

I found out later that there's a circus superstition about the number of animals and this is why the circus has seven horses, seven elephants, seven everything. I only counted three camels, though. But I guess three is enough. They were pretty bad-tempered. And somewhat malodorous. I wonder if anyone collects all the wonderful elephant/camel/horse manure .. it would be very good fertiliser.)

But I digress. After the horse, an elephant trundled into the ring and performed a puja. Then a Russian woman with a lovely bum did all sorts of spinning and balancing trick with her legs in the air (lying on a platform on her back) then added hula hoops and finally juggling balls. She was a real multi-tasker, and all the young men in the audience were very impressed by her talents. They whistled a LOT.

Birds were next! Macaws and cockatoos. They were such beautiful birds and so very sweet. The birds were followed by a very rippling gentleman. Muscles all over! His arms and shoulders were incredible. He did a whole lot of gymnastics that pretty much explained why he had these incredible muscles - red ribbon wrapped around his wrists and then up into the air to do all sorts of twists and turns entirely on his arms' strength.

There was Chinese plate-spinning by the girls and then the bad-tempered camels did a trot around and some stunts, accompanied by their equally bad-tempered trainer. Every time he whacked them on the backside I thought of policemen whacking prisoners at a police station with their lathis. This was the only performance for which I could not clap. The dogs, the birds, the elephants even, seemed to be having fun, but the camels were just really Not Pleased To Be There. One of them actually looked quite disdainful. (But I suppose looking disdainful is better than looking miserable.)

A trampoline act, a knife act and a fire-eater (who was accompanied by a rather embarrassed-looking young woman who danced vaguely around while he posed and leapt like a matador and spat huge flames out of his mouth).

Another animal act! An elephant who played cricket. No singles, only sixes. Team India could use this, but I recall noticing some rather massive (and very pendulous) vulva and so I guess SHE wouldn't be eligible for the men's team. And for some strange reason, although everyone in India claims to be “cricket-crazy”, not one of them seems very interested in women’s cricket.

Anyway, this elephant, she had a snack and a "drink" and did a tipsy thing, before taking a nap in the ring. Another elephant came in to play doctor with her. (Now, now, just because I mentioned the vulva don't go thinking perverse thoughts. He just checked her heart with a giant stethoscope and gave her an injection).

The show ended with more of the tumbling/gymnastic stuff, this time it was people jumping off one end of a see-saw and someone on the other end getting hurtled up into the air and into a nice comfy sofa that was balanced on the end of a long rod on someone's shoulders. It was the kind of thing you see in a Loony Tunes cartoon.

And then it was over, just like that. The only thing I missed was that they didn’t have a ringleader to compere the show; there was just a voice over a microphone. Also the assistants handling the ropes etc. would have looked nicer if they were in some sort of costume.

And you must be wondering: what about the clowns? Well, they were in and out throughout the show, and they waved and smiled specially at me whenever they went by. They did all sorts of funny things down in the ring with their clown car, and even up in the air on the trapeze.

But the most amazing thing about today is this: I PETTED A HIPPO TODAY! One of the most dangerous animals in the world! This one was quite benign. But still - a hippo! A real live hippopotamus. After the show, William, one of the clowns, took me round the back, behind the ring and I got to meet Raja the hippo. He was rough and pokey but I’m happy I got to pet him. Not many people get to pet a hippo and come away with all their fingers still attached to their hand.

I also met the dogs, a bunch of birdies, and ended my wonderful day at the circus sitting in a tent with William the clown, two trapeze artists (a married couple from Nepal) and a friend of William's. He was quite a character. It turns out he grew up just round the corner from where I live! He tried to frighten us with some rather bizarre ghost stories that centred around my neighbourhood. But the stories were quite funny, so I don’t think any of us got frightened. I did gasp a few times, but I think that was from the food. Circus people like it spicy.

So for now, good night. And those of you in Bangalore: GO TO THE CIRCUS! It's on till the 10th of February, shows are at 1, 4 and 7 pm (summer clothing recommended). And at one of these shows, Gladys and Miss Rose will be making a guest appearance. Watch this space!

The circus is in town!

It was like part of a childhood dream come true. There was no sawdust in the ring, just nice red Karnataka dust--but it was a circus ring, a real live circus ring. There were acrobats doing flips on a trampoline, one girl sitting on the handlebars of a bicycle and riding backwards, there were men and women up on the trapeze. And down in the dust, the nice red dust, Miss Rose and I met the clowns of the Jumbo Russian Circus!

We spent two hours with them, telling them about how we work as hospital clowns, we played together, practised together, and had a lot of fun. Talking was tough at first, because it went through a very complicated procedure: from French to Franglais to English to Hinglish and finally to Hindi. But as clowns do, we all managed to communicate with each other. And even when we miscommunicated, it was okay. Clowns are cool with mistakes.

There were about eight of them. Three of them were little. They were from all over India - Nepal, Madras, Bombay .. they were Hindu, Muslim, Christian, and one of them was from phoren--"William from Belgium"--we thought he was just joking, as he said this in nothing like a Belgian accent, but it turned out he was the last of a Belgian circus family, and he'd been born and brought up here in India. His wife is Indian and none of his children are in the circus. They all work in the real world.

Circus people don't look very well off. But they smile a lot. Some of the clowns were once trapeze artists or acrobats, who turned to clowning as they got older. They were all lovely people, and very shy at first. They were amazed at the fact that Miss Rose and I were clowns--"there are no lady clowns in India," we were informed.

So apparently I am India's very first home-grown "lady clown". Although to tell the truth, I ain't much of a lady. I’ve been known to swear a bit, but only when children aren't around.

At the end of our session, one of the clowns, Chandrashekhar, rushed off to bring us his photo albums and showed us pictures from his past. There was an amazing old black and white shot of him in white leotards (non-spangly), chest puffed out, good old seventies hair and pencil-thin moustache, from before he became a clown. And his clown pictures! Oh! He had the most delightful costumes and the most to-die-for spiralled walking stick. I wish I had one like that. Maybe when I grow old.

Before we left, the clowns invited us to join them in the ring at one of their shows! Not to do a full performance, but just to go around the ring once when they first come out. THAT will be the childhood dream come true. Although in the childhood dream I was usually dressed in a spangly dress and standing on one foot atop a trotting horse, or else dressed in spangly tights and flying from a trapeze into the arms of one of the Cimarro brothers.

Ah, the Cimarro brothers .. they were the trapeze artists at Gerry Cottle's Circus, a British circus that I saw in the early seventies. They were Italian and unshaven and they wore tights. I do not remember if the tights were spangly. I remember falling madly in love with both brothers and wanting to run away and join the circus. But I couldn’t remember the way back to the circus, so I never did. I still have a thing for Italian men, though. That’s probably their fault.

NEWS: Clowning Those Ills Away - Mint

Here's a nice surprise! An article written about us clowns and the work we do at Dr Clown India. It's published in Mint, which, I can only assume, is a fresh and tangy stem of the Wall Street Journal network.