Tuesday matinee at the circus!

Off to the circus I went today! Front row seats to start with, and lunch with a clown and two trapeze artists to finish it off! Inbetween I got to see a never-ending stream of circus acts--it started with the trapeze, then went on to balancing acts on a steel rod, tightrope, trick skaters, a "boneless" lady contortionist, daredevil motorbikers (one of whom turned out to be a woman)-- actually there were quite a few daredevil stunts, my heart was in my mouth quite often especially during the "ring of death" which was this huge double-ended pendulum like-thing that swirled high in the sky while the circus people strolled upon it most casually. One man even rode a unicycle on it!

There were tumblers who were great, and I thought they would have been even greater if they had clown make-up on--they were both brilliant and funny, well-coordinated and it was clear that they were having Fun with a capital F. Next a young girl went up on this ring-swing-thing and did all sorts of gasp-inspiring twirls and balancing feats up in the air, to the Titanic song! (I must say it was much more interesting and magical than Leonardo and Kate spreading their wings on the tip of the Titanic!)

Then came a doggie troupe - 3 poms, 2 dalmatians and a poodle. No animal cruelty there .. their tails just never stopped wagging!! They were very happy dogs. After the doggies, it was the oddly named Dental Act. I prefer to call it "the teeth-twirlers"! All these women spinning and twirling, suspended in the air, and holding on only with their teeth! Trick cyclists, all women, came on and did a bunch of balancing tricks, wheelies, etc. As they rode out, a bareback rider galloped in on a very beautiful horse.

I found out later that there's a circus superstition about the number of animals and this is why the circus has seven horses, seven elephants, seven everything. I only counted three camels, though. But I guess three is enough. They were pretty bad-tempered. And somewhat malodorous. I wonder if anyone collects all the wonderful elephant/camel/horse manure .. it would be very good fertiliser.)

But I digress. After the horse, an elephant trundled into the ring and performed a puja. Then a Russian woman with a lovely bum did all sorts of spinning and balancing trick with her legs in the air (lying on a platform on her back) then added hula hoops and finally juggling balls. She was a real multi-tasker, and all the young men in the audience were very impressed by her talents. They whistled a LOT.

Birds were next! Macaws and cockatoos. They were such beautiful birds and so very sweet. The birds were followed by a very rippling gentleman. Muscles all over! His arms and shoulders were incredible. He did a whole lot of gymnastics that pretty much explained why he had these incredible muscles - red ribbon wrapped around his wrists and then up into the air to do all sorts of twists and turns entirely on his arms' strength.

There was Chinese plate-spinning by the girls and then the bad-tempered camels did a trot around and some stunts, accompanied by their equally bad-tempered trainer. Every time he whacked them on the backside I thought of policemen whacking prisoners at a police station with their lathis. This was the only performance for which I could not clap. The dogs, the birds, the elephants even, seemed to be having fun, but the camels were just really Not Pleased To Be There. One of them actually looked quite disdainful. (But I suppose looking disdainful is better than looking miserable.)

A trampoline act, a knife act and a fire-eater (who was accompanied by a rather embarrassed-looking young woman who danced vaguely around while he posed and leapt like a matador and spat huge flames out of his mouth).

Another animal act! An elephant who played cricket. No singles, only sixes. Team India could use this, but I recall noticing some rather massive (and very pendulous) vulva and so I guess SHE wouldn't be eligible for the men's team. And for some strange reason, although everyone in India claims to be “cricket-crazy”, not one of them seems very interested in women’s cricket.

Anyway, this elephant, she had a snack and a "drink" and did a tipsy thing, before taking a nap in the ring. Another elephant came in to play doctor with her. (Now, now, just because I mentioned the vulva don't go thinking perverse thoughts. He just checked her heart with a giant stethoscope and gave her an injection).

The show ended with more of the tumbling/gymnastic stuff, this time it was people jumping off one end of a see-saw and someone on the other end getting hurtled up into the air and into a nice comfy sofa that was balanced on the end of a long rod on someone's shoulders. It was the kind of thing you see in a Loony Tunes cartoon.

And then it was over, just like that. The only thing I missed was that they didn’t have a ringleader to compere the show; there was just a voice over a microphone. Also the assistants handling the ropes etc. would have looked nicer if they were in some sort of costume.

And you must be wondering: what about the clowns? Well, they were in and out throughout the show, and they waved and smiled specially at me whenever they went by. They did all sorts of funny things down in the ring with their clown car, and even up in the air on the trapeze.

But the most amazing thing about today is this: I PETTED A HIPPO TODAY! One of the most dangerous animals in the world! This one was quite benign. But still - a hippo! A real live hippopotamus. After the show, William, one of the clowns, took me round the back, behind the ring and I got to meet Raja the hippo. He was rough and pokey but I’m happy I got to pet him. Not many people get to pet a hippo and come away with all their fingers still attached to their hand.

I also met the dogs, a bunch of birdies, and ended my wonderful day at the circus sitting in a tent with William the clown, two trapeze artists (a married couple from Nepal) and a friend of William's. He was quite a character. It turns out he grew up just round the corner from where I live! He tried to frighten us with some rather bizarre ghost stories that centred around my neighbourhood. But the stories were quite funny, so I don’t think any of us got frightened. I did gasp a few times, but I think that was from the food. Circus people like it spicy.

So for now, good night. And those of you in Bangalore: GO TO THE CIRCUS! It's on till the 10th of February, shows are at 1, 4 and 7 pm (summer clothing recommended). And at one of these shows, Gladys and Miss Rose will be making a guest appearance. Watch this space!