Clowning is serious work.

It’s not as easy as it looks! There are three main aspects of clown work (four if you count the nap).

1. Hygiene

This is a Very Important Part of hospital clowning, and the least fun. Before going to hospital, I have a headbath. I check my nails are clean, clip them short, and remove any nail polish. (Not that I wear nail polish, but if I did, I would. Remove it, I mean). Then I make sure EVERYTHING I need for the hospital is clean (my costume, bag, shoes, and my important medical equipment like my hammer, saw, and especially my laughter injection thingie). After I get back from hospital, there's more stuff to clean – I throw everything - clown costume, towels, hair bands, socks, hats, cloth puppets - into the washing machine. While that's whirling around, I have ANOTHER headbath. If there were any patients with infectious diseases or bad coughs, then I sometimes have a salt-water gargle, too. Afterwards I wash the rest of my equipment by hand - juggling balls, flutes, whatever, even the make-up brushes. I wipe down my bags, shoes, toiletries (cold cream, toner, talc, lotion) and make-up kit, with disinfectant. I even scrub the soles of my clown shoes with hot soapy water (hospital floors have GERMS). By the time I'm done with it, the laundry's done and I put that out to dry. Later, I steam iron my clown costume, and then put everything away in its place, usually wrapped in plastic packets (I'm so particular I even rinse out the plastic packets!) so that I'm all set for my next Clown Rounds.

2. Practice

Although a lot of my work is based on improvisation, I still have lots of things to practise, so that I have tons of fun stuff already stored in my nose for when I go to work: juggling, puppetry, music and song, storytelling. Some of the things I like to do are singing scales to keep my pretty voice fit, practise singing and learning new songs, (lullabies are good in the neo-natal ward, the little babies like them, and stop crying). I also have to practise scales on my recorder, melodica, and songs to play on them too. I like learning Shah Rukh Khan songs, because as you know he is the love of my life. I like singing and dancing to his songs at hospital. Everyone loves Shah Rukh Khan, but no one more than I.

3. Performance

This part of my work starts with loading everything up and driving over to hospital. Once I’m all dressed up and looking lovely, my first stop is usually to the nurses, to have a word (well, several words, one word usually isn’t enough) about my patients. That way I can find out if there are any special cases, e.g. pre-op - who might be afraid and need some reassurance; or post-op - who might be in pain and could do with some light relief but perhaps not boisterous loud clowning). Then it’s off on my rounds with my clown partner (it changes from visit to visit, but we always work in twos) and we go from bed to bed to bed, visiting all the children and making them feel better.

4. The Nap

This is another Very Important Part. After I've done all the cleaning, I have a hearty meal, followed by a nice long nap. Otherwise I get very tired and cranky, and sometimes have a little weep the next day. I’m not too sure why. But if I have a nice nap, that’s less likely, I think. The hearty meal is pretty important too, and the trick is to eat as much as you can, as fast as you can, before your brain has time to figure out that your stomach is full.

And there you have it. That’s what my workday is like.