Busy, busy, busy.

That's what I've been. I'm going to be running Dr Clown and there's so much to do. Right now we're trying to get ready for our next Clown Show. I've written a script and it's all about clowns getting the disco fever. There's going to be lots of songs from the 1970s. That was a good time. So I'm hoping our show will also be a good time.

Meanwhile there's rehearsals, sound and light to organise, costumes to get, dances to practise, press releases to write .. ooh, lots of work but it's all fun too.

I'm on Facebook!

Whoopee! Apart from having my very own blog, I now also have my very own Facebook profile! It's most thrilling. If you're on Facebook, you can add me as a friend; my profile name is "Gladys Tonsils". See you there!

NEWS: Clowning Around - India Today

Gosh! Another article this month, this time in India Today's "Simply Bangalore" magazine, written by Ashwin Venkatesh.

It's exciting, it's like everyone's waking up and discovering that we're here. I hope there are more clowns out there who read these articles and then make their way over to find us! It would be lovely to meet more clowns. I'm sure they're out there somewhere..

NEWS: The Serious Business of Clowning - Deccan Herald

Yes, it really does take a lot of serious work to be seriously funny. Here's an article from Bangalore's Deccan Herald newspaper, all about it! Of course the DH has gone and got totally confused and actually captioned the picture wrong. Nazu and Severine indeed! That's clearly a picture of Glad and Miss Rose.

Glad, you ask? Short for Gladys? No, not at all. That's my twin brother, Glad. He visits us infrequently, being quite a shy soft-spoken boy. In fact, he only seems to find his voice when I lose mine. (Refer my history with pharyngitis for more details).

NEWS: Clown Workshop - Time Out magazine

Look, it's me! I really like this picture. It wasn't hard to gaze adoringly into the camera, because behind it was a nice muscly young fella called Ashwin.

This article was written by a nice non-muscly girl called Akila. Well, maybe she had muscles, I don't know. I was too busy looking at the photographer's muscles to notice. But I do like the way she wrote this article. And I like this magazine, too. They're always writing about interesting things happening in Bangalore,and I'm so pleased they think we're interesting!

Return of the living clown!

I am back from holiday! I took myself off to London, and went to visit an old friend of mine. I just got back this morning, in time to start clowning.

It was a lot like old times - me and Mamu at St. Philomena's. Mamu's been going regularly and has added lots to his repertoire - magic tricks, new dances and jokes - and he can even rattle along quite admirably in Tamil now! I’m impressed.

As for me, I’ve had a makeover! I’ve decided less is more, when it comes to make-up, and also, I’m working on a new wardrobe, too. Can’t wait.

Going on a manhunt.

I have a thing for older men, you see. So naturally, I was looking forward to meeting some eligible octogenarians this evening. All dressed up and someplace to go - the place in question being The Little Sisters' of the Poor Home for the Aged. It was party time! Birthday party, with cake, candles and prezzies, and eighteen residents seated up front as guests of honour - these were the people whose birthdays come up this month. There was also one lady, Marjorie, 95, celebrating her 25th year at the Home!

Put-put, Bindas and I were just in time for the birthday song and cake-cutting. I wasted not much time getting acquainted with the gentlemen, who were, oddly enough, quite shy. Mr. Gorman's knees weren't up to dancing (so he said). Mr Watt and Mr. Gomes did have a lovely chat with me but remained firmly seated. I think they were all playing hard-to-get. Mr. Selvaraj was busy with a nap, though he did wake up later to graciously receive my farewell rose. Still, one courageous chap Raymond did get up and waltz a bit with me. Made my day. I think he must have been quite a dancer in his day, because he actually managed to follow some of my more complex dance moves.

Put-put meanwhile decided to pull up the ladies for some dancing (they seemed a bit more energetic) and even found a Dancing Queen! (You think I’m kidding, don’t you? But her name really is Queenie). Bindas, who's just finished the Dr Clown workshop and is still in training, was a bit shy. But she has connections. She brought Spiderman AND Batman with her. They were a lot shorter than I expected - they could have passed for 6-year-olds. Odd, that.

Well, the fun went on through cake and tea-time, and we got to introduce ourselves to well over a hundred people. And looking after all these lovely ladies and gallant gentlemen was a huge family of SISTERS. It was quite remarkable, I thought, and very sweet that they all liked to dress in identical clothes. And looking after all the sisters was a mummy. None of the sisters looked very French, but they all called their mummy "Ma Mere" .. and mummy spoke with an American accent. Hmm.

In addition to all these, was a gaggle of highly excitable, giggly and occasionally hysterical girls. Apparently these creatures are known as The Pestilence.

Bubbles, music, song, dance, and much laughter. And then, too soon, it was over. Alas, the gentlemen quickly made their escape while I was distracted by yet another pair of sisters - Isabel and Noreen Russell - who WEREN'T dressed in identical clothes. A last dose of bubbles got Isabel a-singing "I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles" accompanied by my beautiful rendition on the melodica. I promised her I’d practise more songs and come back soon for a sing-along.

It was sad to leave, but we meet to part - and meet again, and there were lots of smiling, laughing faces waving back at me as we drove away. I hope I get to go back soon. I really liked it there.

Tuesday matinee at the circus!

Off to the circus I went today! Front row seats to start with, and lunch with a clown and two trapeze artists to finish it off! Inbetween I got to see a never-ending stream of circus acts--it started with the trapeze, then went on to balancing acts on a steel rod, tightrope, trick skaters, a "boneless" lady contortionist, daredevil motorbikers (one of whom turned out to be a woman)-- actually there were quite a few daredevil stunts, my heart was in my mouth quite often especially during the "ring of death" which was this huge double-ended pendulum like-thing that swirled high in the sky while the circus people strolled upon it most casually. One man even rode a unicycle on it!

There were tumblers who were great, and I thought they would have been even greater if they had clown make-up on--they were both brilliant and funny, well-coordinated and it was clear that they were having Fun with a capital F. Next a young girl went up on this ring-swing-thing and did all sorts of gasp-inspiring twirls and balancing feats up in the air, to the Titanic song! (I must say it was much more interesting and magical than Leonardo and Kate spreading their wings on the tip of the Titanic!)

Then came a doggie troupe - 3 poms, 2 dalmatians and a poodle. No animal cruelty there .. their tails just never stopped wagging!! They were very happy dogs. After the doggies, it was the oddly named Dental Act. I prefer to call it "the teeth-twirlers"! All these women spinning and twirling, suspended in the air, and holding on only with their teeth! Trick cyclists, all women, came on and did a bunch of balancing tricks, wheelies, etc. As they rode out, a bareback rider galloped in on a very beautiful horse.

I found out later that there's a circus superstition about the number of animals and this is why the circus has seven horses, seven elephants, seven everything. I only counted three camels, though. But I guess three is enough. They were pretty bad-tempered. And somewhat malodorous. I wonder if anyone collects all the wonderful elephant/camel/horse manure .. it would be very good fertiliser.)

But I digress. After the horse, an elephant trundled into the ring and performed a puja. Then a Russian woman with a lovely bum did all sorts of spinning and balancing trick with her legs in the air (lying on a platform on her back) then added hula hoops and finally juggling balls. She was a real multi-tasker, and all the young men in the audience were very impressed by her talents. They whistled a LOT.

Birds were next! Macaws and cockatoos. They were such beautiful birds and so very sweet. The birds were followed by a very rippling gentleman. Muscles all over! His arms and shoulders were incredible. He did a whole lot of gymnastics that pretty much explained why he had these incredible muscles - red ribbon wrapped around his wrists and then up into the air to do all sorts of twists and turns entirely on his arms' strength.

There was Chinese plate-spinning by the girls and then the bad-tempered camels did a trot around and some stunts, accompanied by their equally bad-tempered trainer. Every time he whacked them on the backside I thought of policemen whacking prisoners at a police station with their lathis. This was the only performance for which I could not clap. The dogs, the birds, the elephants even, seemed to be having fun, but the camels were just really Not Pleased To Be There. One of them actually looked quite disdainful. (But I suppose looking disdainful is better than looking miserable.)

A trampoline act, a knife act and a fire-eater (who was accompanied by a rather embarrassed-looking young woman who danced vaguely around while he posed and leapt like a matador and spat huge flames out of his mouth).

Another animal act! An elephant who played cricket. No singles, only sixes. Team India could use this, but I recall noticing some rather massive (and very pendulous) vulva and so I guess SHE wouldn't be eligible for the men's team. And for some strange reason, although everyone in India claims to be “cricket-crazy”, not one of them seems very interested in women’s cricket.

Anyway, this elephant, she had a snack and a "drink" and did a tipsy thing, before taking a nap in the ring. Another elephant came in to play doctor with her. (Now, now, just because I mentioned the vulva don't go thinking perverse thoughts. He just checked her heart with a giant stethoscope and gave her an injection).

The show ended with more of the tumbling/gymnastic stuff, this time it was people jumping off one end of a see-saw and someone on the other end getting hurtled up into the air and into a nice comfy sofa that was balanced on the end of a long rod on someone's shoulders. It was the kind of thing you see in a Loony Tunes cartoon.

And then it was over, just like that. The only thing I missed was that they didn’t have a ringleader to compere the show; there was just a voice over a microphone. Also the assistants handling the ropes etc. would have looked nicer if they were in some sort of costume.

And you must be wondering: what about the clowns? Well, they were in and out throughout the show, and they waved and smiled specially at me whenever they went by. They did all sorts of funny things down in the ring with their clown car, and even up in the air on the trapeze.

But the most amazing thing about today is this: I PETTED A HIPPO TODAY! One of the most dangerous animals in the world! This one was quite benign. But still - a hippo! A real live hippopotamus. After the show, William, one of the clowns, took me round the back, behind the ring and I got to meet Raja the hippo. He was rough and pokey but I’m happy I got to pet him. Not many people get to pet a hippo and come away with all their fingers still attached to their hand.

I also met the dogs, a bunch of birdies, and ended my wonderful day at the circus sitting in a tent with William the clown, two trapeze artists (a married couple from Nepal) and a friend of William's. He was quite a character. It turns out he grew up just round the corner from where I live! He tried to frighten us with some rather bizarre ghost stories that centred around my neighbourhood. But the stories were quite funny, so I don’t think any of us got frightened. I did gasp a few times, but I think that was from the food. Circus people like it spicy.

So for now, good night. And those of you in Bangalore: GO TO THE CIRCUS! It's on till the 10th of February, shows are at 1, 4 and 7 pm (summer clothing recommended). And at one of these shows, Gladys and Miss Rose will be making a guest appearance. Watch this space!

The circus is in town!

It was like part of a childhood dream come true. There was no sawdust in the ring, just nice red Karnataka dust--but it was a circus ring, a real live circus ring. There were acrobats doing flips on a trampoline, one girl sitting on the handlebars of a bicycle and riding backwards, there were men and women up on the trapeze. And down in the dust, the nice red dust, Miss Rose and I met the clowns of the Jumbo Russian Circus!

We spent two hours with them, telling them about how we work as hospital clowns, we played together, practised together, and had a lot of fun. Talking was tough at first, because it went through a very complicated procedure: from French to Franglais to English to Hinglish and finally to Hindi. But as clowns do, we all managed to communicate with each other. And even when we miscommunicated, it was okay. Clowns are cool with mistakes.

There were about eight of them. Three of them were little. They were from all over India - Nepal, Madras, Bombay .. they were Hindu, Muslim, Christian, and one of them was from phoren--"William from Belgium"--we thought he was just joking, as he said this in nothing like a Belgian accent, but it turned out he was the last of a Belgian circus family, and he'd been born and brought up here in India. His wife is Indian and none of his children are in the circus. They all work in the real world.

Circus people don't look very well off. But they smile a lot. Some of the clowns were once trapeze artists or acrobats, who turned to clowning as they got older. They were all lovely people, and very shy at first. They were amazed at the fact that Miss Rose and I were clowns--"there are no lady clowns in India," we were informed.

So apparently I am India's very first home-grown "lady clown". Although to tell the truth, I ain't much of a lady. I’ve been known to swear a bit, but only when children aren't around.

At the end of our session, one of the clowns, Chandrashekhar, rushed off to bring us his photo albums and showed us pictures from his past. There was an amazing old black and white shot of him in white leotards (non-spangly), chest puffed out, good old seventies hair and pencil-thin moustache, from before he became a clown. And his clown pictures! Oh! He had the most delightful costumes and the most to-die-for spiralled walking stick. I wish I had one like that. Maybe when I grow old.

Before we left, the clowns invited us to join them in the ring at one of their shows! Not to do a full performance, but just to go around the ring once when they first come out. THAT will be the childhood dream come true. Although in the childhood dream I was usually dressed in a spangly dress and standing on one foot atop a trotting horse, or else dressed in spangly tights and flying from a trapeze into the arms of one of the Cimarro brothers.

Ah, the Cimarro brothers .. they were the trapeze artists at Gerry Cottle's Circus, a British circus that I saw in the early seventies. They were Italian and unshaven and they wore tights. I do not remember if the tights were spangly. I remember falling madly in love with both brothers and wanting to run away and join the circus. But I couldn’t remember the way back to the circus, so I never did. I still have a thing for Italian men, though. That’s probably their fault.

NEWS: Clowning Those Ills Away - Mint

Here's a nice surprise! An article written about us clowns and the work we do at Dr Clown India. It's published in Mint, which, I can only assume, is a fresh and tangy stem of the Wall Street Journal network.

NEWS: Photo feature - Indian Express

I'm a Page 3 girl! Or maybe it was page 33. Whatever .. I’m in the news and feeling quite pleased about it. This pic was taken at the Overseas Women's Foundation's Annual Bazaar on December 1st, 2007, held at the St Mark's Cathedral grounds. Dr Clown had a table there. Well, half a table. We set up shop with our wonderful 2008 calendar --- a rather delightful work of art, featuring photographs of all of us clowns - and our colourful postcards, as well as a couple of exotic cakes and muffins. We also had MUCH fun painting clown faces on lots of wonderful little children.

I had a WONDERFUL time. I wore my best new hat. In between painting faces and helping myself to clown cake, I tromped around the bazaar, meeting everyone and making lots of new friends. I also adopted two very nice puppets, a witch who now goes by the name "Mrs. Snape" and a little clown who is yet to be named (you can see him in the picture .. I have him by the neck).

I also got to have a mesmerising conversation with Basava, a large and extremely patient ox who was taking children on cart rides around the cathedral grounds. He was a quiet sort of ox. He didn't have much to say, but he turned out to be a very good listener.

Yes, it was a good day indeed. A nice nutritious clown lunch of cotton candy and something wonderful called a hog dog (which is made of neither pigs nor dogs). I even bumped into Santa Claus. Alas, I did not get a chance to sit on Santa's lap (that would have been quite a feat, as he was standing up at the time) but he did promise to send me Professor Snape for Christmas. I don’t want Professor Snape for myself, I’m a one-man clown, and that man is Shah Rukh Khan. But I know Nazu gets all weak in the knees whenever she sees Professor Snape in the Harry Potter movies. I thought maybe I could hide him in her Christmas stocking for her.

The highlight of the day was when Dr. Tonsils showed up. Yes! Nazu’s daddy, who has very kindly adopted me and made me part of the family! It was his 81st birthday and so all us clowns got together to give him a beautifully tuneless rendition of the "Happy Birthday" song. There was a strange expression on his face while we sang, the harmony and melody drawing crowds of curious onlookers (or perhaps music lovers). Nazu insists his expression was a combination of pleasure and embarrassment, but I’m sure it was just his pure unadulterated joy, perhaps on an empty stomach. (He left for lunch soon after).

Then on we went, and I even got to step out for some fresh air with Miss Rose. We walked down from St. Mark’s to a famous restaurant called Koshy’s. Now I’m not vain, but let me tell you, we turned plenty of heads at that fine establishment.

That was one good clown day.

Face painting at the Christmas bazaar.

Here are some pictures that Dr Crazy took of me at the OWC Bazaar yesterday! Miss Rose decided to be different! So instead of wearing her offical Dr Clown nose, she got me to paint a ladybird on the tip of her nose!

I also had loads of fun painting clown faces on little children there. I wish I had more pictures of their funny sweet faces. I do, but only in my memory.

Happy Birthday!

No, not my birthday. It's my friend here. I don't know why he's wearing a black t-shirt on his birthday. Surely he should have worn something bright and jolly. Anyway he came to the Christmas Bazaar and we all sang Happy Birthday to him. That's Put-put and Dr Crazy in the picture with him.

Return of the red-nosed!

Ooh, it feels good to be back! Today I finally started clowning again. Mamooo and I did the rounds at Philomena's, there were lots of little girls and boys ranging from 4 to 9 years old or so - Dolly, Pavan, Rita, Prashant, Giri, Akash and one little boy whose name I forgot to ask, mainly because he had a bar of Cadbury's in his shirt pocket so she kept calling him Chocolate Boy and pretending to steal his candy - and we succeeded in getting loads of giggles from them all. Mamu's fart-balloon was a huge success.

My favourite crotchety old cleaning lady was very happy to see us again, although she chased us out of one room where she had just mopped the floor. She talks to me a lot. As I don’t speak any Tamil, and she doesn’t speak any English, these conversations are always quite intriguing. I’m pretty sure she is asking for a dance, so I usually try to sweep her into a waltz. She was saying something about tomatoes at one point, and pointing at my nose. It must have been some traditional Tamil vegetarian compliment.

We also succeeded in drying some tears, which felt good. The first was Sakshi, a little boy in the ICU, having a drip put in. Screaming his head off. We didn't do much good at first, but then Mamu started singing softly and he actually calmed down. Meanwhile Sakshi’s mummy was getting equally worked up and she dissolved into tears too so I took her off to one side and we had a little chat and dried those tears off.

For me, the best part of the morning - the biggest compliment - was when we were heading back at the end of our rounds, and one of the senior nurses stopped to tell us that Akash, one of the kids we'd seen earlier was crying and would we go back and cheer him up? It really felt good, and meant a lot that she recognised the value of clowns in hospital.

Akash wasn't in pain, just cranky and unhappy. I think he wanted a cigarette, but as you know, there’s No Smoking in hospitals. However, the nurses had given him a funny machine called a nebuliser, which kept pouring out all the smoke he needed. All he had to do was stick a little mask over his face and inhale it. But you know these smokers. They want their cigarettes. So he kept pushing it away and crying, and making quite a lot of noise.

But once we arrived, we were able to calm him down and then he had lots of happy puffs on his nebuliser. It was wonderful to be there and see him soon go from screaming back to his delightfully mischievous giggling.

So - a lovely morning. Exhausting, of course. So I’ll stop here. I’ve a big day tomorrow at the Overseas Women’s Group’s Christmas Bazaar. Must get my cutie sleep.

NEWS: Waiting For Dr Gladys - Sattva

A nice young man named Ratish wrote this article about me, for Sattva, which is an e-zine that writes about important things and nice people that do them.

A new hospital.

At long last. This weekend sees the start of a new assignment! Miss Rose and I are heading to the paediatric ward of Kidwai, the government cancer hospital, this Saturday. We are both very excited and a bit nervous too. Clowning in the paediatric ward of a general hospital is one thing, we meet different children each time. I love every child I meet, but at the cancer hospital, we’ll be seeing patients who are in for longer stretches of time. We'll see the same faces each time, and then one day, some of those faces won’t be there, because not everyone makes it through cancer. I don’t think it’s supposed to be this way, but sometimes children die. That makes a clown cry.

Gladys Tonsils, drama queen.

It turns out I have royal blood in me. Yes. Apparently I am a drama queen. After all the melodrama and fond farewells, I have discovered that my vocal chords are going to heal after all, and that with some exercise and self-restraint, I will once again be able to fill the air with my delectably shrill Cockney accent!

For the moment, though, my voice is far from alright, and every phone conversation leaves me feeling as though I have peanuts stuck in my throat. So I still have to be careful, and have to do that silent thing at least two days every week, but at least I know that I can soon be back at work, and as noisy as ever. Hurrah!

Oh dear.

I’m very sad. The doctor has told me that for the next three to six months, I have to very careful with my voice. I've spent the last week in total silence, visited the doc again today, and now for the next fortnight have permission to speak a few words at a time, "only when absolutely necessary", along with various other instructions, medicines and even a series of calcium injections that my bum will play host to. Ouch. (Those of you who are wondering, no, calcium supplements won't do. I already asked.)

No singing, no wind instruments, no lovely noisy clowning. At least for the next few months. I would really miss singing my favourite Christmas carols. And I'm already missing my flute. Most of all I miss my voice.

Off I go to think more sad thoughts.

Gifts from London.

Fiona is a lovely person! She’s never met me before but that didn’t stop her from bringing me a bagful of goodies from London! What a noble soul! I am now the proud owner of red and white striped clown stockings, three glorious (and easily washable) pairs of colourful gloves in pink, yellow and orange and a multi-coloured pair of suspenders.

It was all deliciously exciting (oh yes, she also brought me two packets of an old favourite of mine: Rowntree's Fruit Gums) .. but horribly frustrating to have to react silently!

Talking of silent (talking?), I have decided that while my voice is on hold, maybe my twin brother Glad could go out and do my clowning for me. He’s a quiet lad, never has much to say anyway. Sweet little soft-spoken Glad. We are Siamese twins, don’t you know, and between us we have only one skin, so we take turns at being inside out or outside in. He’s quite happy being outside in, but seeing as I have this medical emergency, I’m hoping he’ll help me out.

I'm all shut up.

Bad news, I think. All that talking at the Clown Show turned out not to be the greatest thing for my vocal chords. So here I sit in silence. It started with a little lump in my throat that didn't hurt but wouldn't go away. I finally got the courage to go see a doctor about it. The good news is that I don't have throat cancer. The bad news is that I must have total voice rest for at least a week.

That means no talking. (And those of you who've had the honour to meet me in person, will know just how hard that is!) It's very frustrating. It's less than 24 hours since I succumbed to silence, and it is Very Difficult.

Plus everyone has started to talk really loud (I'm not deaf, just mute) and also speaking in one-word sentences and waving their arms around with lots of gestures and what appears to be their idea of sign language. I now must carry a note around to remind people that just because I can't talk, doesn't mean they can't use full sentences.

What will happen to me? I don't know. After the swelling's gone down, I'll have to do some speech therapy exercises or something. And then we'll just have to see. Because I’m quite a noisy clown. I don't think I’d like being a mime quite as much.